bone tired

I used that expression while talking to Geoff last night. I swear I have never been more tired in my life and feeling all of my 37 years. This morning my period showed up- what a bummer. You would think with nursing it would just hold off, but I read in a magazine that if you ease up on breastfeeding just a little, ovulating can begin again. Yuck. My head is heavy and as I have always felt with my period, I feel like I could sleep for about 2 days straight. This will not do. As soon as nursing is over I am going to need to get on the pill or something to minimize the fatigue. Last night I didn't even try Alex in the crib for a while- I was too wiped, and he is cutting those two front teeth - they are taking their sweet time making their way through the gumline. For the most part he has been a champ. I use these homeopathic teething drops- they were super with Sophie and they seem to work well for Alex too. Oh my little one is getting so close to crawling- he will be seven months old in just a few days and already he is scooting along so well. This morning for the first time he got into an upright sitting position by himself- up from being down on his back. What a star. He will be unstoppable this guy. We are going to need to do so much more baby proofing than we did with Sophie as everything he can get his mitts on goes into his mouth.



Sibling rivalry has begun- another exhausting item. Sophie does not want Alex touching any of her toys or books, even her interesting patterned jammies she was wearing today- "no touching!" "No Alex" and my heart is just breaking. Because I know this drill - this was me exactly as a baby. I was so nervous when my sister was born that I started biting my nails. It is time to get out a reference book or two on promoting brotherly love and how to mitigate the impending fights and struggles to come. Why is it that some siblings can really get along with minimal disruption, and others, like myself and beloved sister and brother- were just a disaster for years? Fighting and door slamming- "she touched me! he started it! get away!" Oh it wears me out just to think about it. My instinct is to just lavish as much attention as possible on Sophie to show her she is so important- which I try to anyway- but maybe I need to do more. Yesterday we went with the mommy and me class to the strawberry patch out in Moorpark - Alex at home with nanny Rachel. In the car on the way home she says "I like special time with you the best." Of course, who wouldn't? It is probably my favorite time of the week too.
The crazy love for my son just continues- I mean, I am so stupid in love with this boy- from his wispy turning blondish hair (which is finally growing in over the bald patch on the back of his head) to his cute little toes. And she sees that, she knows how he has sunk me - that I can't smooch his chubby, smooth baby skin enough- tickle the fold in his thighs and snarfle into his baby to hear that gorgeous chortle that only he can make. And of course I adore her too- more every day, as I tell her. She has 3 days of preschool now under her belt and is enjoying it. Departure in the morning is tough, but apparently it only takes her a couple of minutes to get over it and start getting busy in the sandbox. We did her first homework assignment, putting cut out first letters onto objects. It took two turns at it, but it was fun. On Thursday on the way home from school she came out with - "I love Kathy." her teacher. Back to tired, I am so depleted and at the same time have never in my life been so gorgeously full of love-
my wonderful kids.



The random tidbits:



Alex pulls himself up on my leg and stands. He wants to stand alone - there is no doubt about that.


He is starting to eat small chunks of banana and avocado and managed to get down a wet cheerio yesterday.

Sophie's little moment of potty regression seems to have faded and she is back to normal, but still needs reminding.

I have pretty much stopped lactating on my left side and am just trying to nurse like crazy on the right side.

Last week at gymastics (Le Club in Chatsworth) sophie, without any aplomb, tried the rope swing for the first time and liked it a lot after weeks of rejecting the idea.

My weight is stuck at 169 for over six weeks now.

Sophie saw her new dentist, Dr. Rebecca, and her appt. went well- her teeth look good but we need to start flossing every night. Milk with meals, juice once per day with meals. Keep those 'sugar bugs' from sitting on her teeth all day.

I am really pleased with how things are going with Rachel and both kids look forward to seeing her.


The weather is starting to heat up and I am excited that we will all be swimming soon.


Sophie has two of her own birthday parties coming up. An adult one on the tenth, and her co-party with Amber on the 17th. Trying not to get nervous about the second one.

Alex clothes wise fits best in 12 months creepers and jammies. Long kid.

Geoff and I will be spending our 10th anniversary night in Montecito at the Montecito Inn. We will have dinner at the san ysidro ranch, where we got married, and get to go visit the garden arch afterward where we said our vows. I am flabbergasted that it has been ten years. That means he and I have been together (on and off) for 16 years now. Insane.

Old Navy online order

It was Stuff and Save time at Old Navy- 20% off everything. So I scour the sale section for comfy odds and ends- now shopping for soph, myself and Alex- never Geoffrey. A little sale cross section of what we will be wearing very soon!

First day of preschool

So the first day of Sophie going to preschool has come and gone. She started about 3 weeks before turning three years old. I put up a photo gallery on smugmug with a description which I shall paste here in the interest of getting back to my teething 6 and 1/2 month old sooner rather than later:

Ah, she is growing up so fast indeed. Soph's first day at the Granada preschool, April 17th, started out pretty well! She had a breakfast of canteloupe, banana and some pink milk. Got dressed in her special first day outfit, teeth brushed, hair brushed, lunchbox investigated twice and off went the four of us! We met teacher's assistant Martha out in the play yard, handed over paperwork, and gave quick goodbye hugs. She started to cry a little but then went into the sandbox area with teacher Lacey (and her 'light blue care bear') - not too bad at all! When I called at 10:30 to see how her day was going, her teacher Kathy told me that there had been ups and downs- could be better, could be worse. She was a little pouty- bottom lip out- was sitting with Elvia when I called, one of the assistants. She was happy during circle time/stories, but not happy outside in the play area during free play time- she wanted to go in and look at books (she likes those inside rooms- so many interesting things in there.) She did not have the snack with the other kids but was off by herself looking at books and brooding a bit. Kathy said she had some new Bob the Builder construction hats and tools that she was going to bring out - thinking that might improve her mood! I picked her up at about 12:15- got to observe her for a few minutes playing outside- she was in the sand area again, and talking to a little blonde girl. So sweet. I picked her up and she got a Granada preschool t-shirt, blue of course, and a first day of school ribbon. AND they were doing a "Cars" pinata right after we left (for the full day kids) but her teacher had made up a goody bag for sophie to take with her beforehand so that she would not feel left out. As we left she said to Kathy- "next time I will be invited." so cute! she was in good spirits as we left. I asked what was her favorite part and she said the sandbox. We are so proud of her! I think she did great and hopefully this will be a good thing that she enjoys...

Of course we have been talking a lot about it in the time since the first day ended. She recapped for me that she sat next to a little boy AND a little girl at lunch, that she needed help with her cheese stick (unwrapping it) that she did not go potty until I came to pick her up, that the best part was when she found Muck (a Bob the Builder construction machine) in the sandbox. Apparently she did not look at books (she did) or the class did not sing any songs (they did as they do every day) and she mentioned that she did not do any puzzles. I asked her how she felt and she said that she was scared, because I was not there, but that she only cried a little- not a lot. Too adorable. She said she did not make any friends, and she did not climb on the climbing area thingy or go on the swing. I guess she was just happy in the sandbox with the Bob toys- Kathy said she enjoyed the Bob things as long as she had them all- when other kids took some she got upset. No surprise there! Sharing is such a dicey thing- sometimes she will, other times it seems almost impossible.

Yesterday at mommy and me, (I had her alone, Alex was with Rachel) she cried out and got upset when I had gone inside for discussion. I had told her I was going in, but when she looked up and I was not there she got upset- understandably. Of course I reassured her that at this mommy and me class I am always with her- even if she can't see me because I am at the snack area or inside. She skipped her nap- and was a total disaster area for Dad's birthday dinner. She and Rachel had made a homemade chocolate cake with cream cheese flavored frosting- very sweet- but she was just a wreck from too long of a day. I put her in her room for some 'quiet time' and she FLIPPED like she never has before. Had a full on tantrum and went into our room slammed the door, and hid next to the bed. I let her just work it out for about 10 minutes and finally went in to check on her- she told me to go away! I told Geoff that we really will need to give her some leeway the next few weeks- the room to feel what she needs to feel. This is such a huge transition- being at preschool on her own- no mom, grammy or established friends to make her feel comfortable. I am sure it will take a while to get into the groove and begin to feel confident about all the dynamics going on there...I am really so proud of her though and she is such a little darling- so clever and funny. I am trying to bolster her up as much as I can so that she feels like she can do it and have good days in her new environment. They say the Tuesday/Thursday part time schedule is tricky, because they don't quite get in the swing- Friday - Monday is a long time to not attend something that demands regularity to feel like an established ritual. I guess we will have to do some pretend preschool at home during the 4 day breaks.

Tonight we had an engagement party/lunch for our dear friends Ken and Cara- it was nice and my mom, Robert and gram came- they brought little Bean back up to Oxnard with them to visit for a couple of days. They adore her and she loves them so- there is freedom there, toys aplenty, books and puzzles and devotion. She gets to be the center of their world while she is there, and I get to focus on my little guy and try to get life in order while she is gone...

I sometimes forget how truly luminous in spirit she is sometimes, but her sparkling ways shine through and really bring happiness to those she loves.

email to a mommy friend...

hey pam - thanks for your message. Congrats on starting preschool- a big step, I know. Sophie's first day is this Thursday and of course I have mixed feelings about it. What mother wouldn't? Sad and excited, nervous and confident too about starting her now instead of in the fall. I only hope we have chosen a school that she does well in, and looks forward to going. We will see...

I am very sad though that Kaity and yourself will not be at Rinaldi mommy and me class anymore. It seemed very empty without you two there this last Friday- and Julie and Alice were not there either. To me, it is mostly about seeing you guys- and soph seeing amber, kait and sophia. With preschool starting I can't see us really doing Fridays at Rinaldi beyond May, if that long.

I will have Rachel consistently those Fridays though, so I plan to do special things with just my girl- the zoo, kidspace, hansen dam park, etc. Maybe if you guys decide to play hooky once in a while on Friday mornings you can join us.

I know you have mentioned too not continuing kindermusik beyond this session. I really hope that we can make an effort to continue our friendship outside of these staples where it is easy to meet up. Kait is just so sweet and funny and clever, and I think her energy brings a lot to Sophie's 'life with friends.' And William too you know I adore and hope he and Alex will get to be little pals. It is hard to have energy for stuff outside of the family just working part-time, and I know that working full time and managing your life is really a handful.

Anyway, not to be too icky and sentimental, I think you get my point. Let's have a playdate soon, yes?

Have a good week-Julie

in the thick of it

So although there are a dozen other things I should be doing- I just had to stop and write about the last few days. Geoff and Sophie are at kindermusik, and Alex is sleeping in his crib. That was the first big change this last week- the baby has been napping in his crib and spending the first couple of hours in the night in there, before coming in to nurse and sleep the rest of the night with me.

Last Thursday, Alex broke out in hives. The best guess is that it was from the amoxycillin prescription, which he had just finished. Other than that nothing else had really changed. It started in the morning- he got a weird dark pink mark on his chin and under his left ear with slightly elevated lighter pink raised areas. I thought it was a rash-within an hour they disappeared. New patches showed up 2 hours later in different spots- all in his head area- called the doctor. They said no benadryl usually for under 18 mos. and that I could bring him during walk in hours in the afternoon. Again, the patches dissipated on his own. 45 minutes into his afternoon nap, Rachel went in to check on him and came out with a horrified look on her face- his cheeks were all puffy and red and hot- he had big patches on his neck and head and two on his upper back. Straight to the doctor. Well, the benadryl helped right away- within an hour he was clear- but he got 3 doses total over the next 24 hours- and still this morning is a little spot near his eyebrow. I never had an experience like this with sophie- so it was new to me and kind've alarming. His spirits were fine- normal mood and breathing, no problems there. Anyway I am glad it seems to be over and I am feeling more aware of paying attention to what he is taking in now - food, medicine...

He has been SUPER active the last few days. I think crawling is coming soon. He is pulling himself up to standing and is pulling his knees up under his body when on his tummy, and rolling all over the place- front to back and the other way too. Get ready- clear the decks! Everything he comes into contact with goes into his mouth so the time has come to be super careful- soph and rachel and i need to be crazy watchdogs for all kinds of stuff he can get into. He is so vocal with the sounds- these long drawn out screeches and growls- I don't remember sophie sounding like that at all. And he is pinching and scratching at me a lot and I don't know what that is about. I mean, the pinching is a nursing thing I think, but the scratching and squeezing at me I just don't know. It wears me out- pulling his hands away. He is pulling at sophie's hair when he can and I tell her, he is just trying to say he loves you. haha. she is brighter than that. The thing is that she is getting very authoritative with him. "BAD Alex!" "NO, don't do that baby!" and of course, I say don't call him bad- he is just exploring and trying to learn about things. For the most part she is against him grabbing for her toys and books so that is tough too. Running interference and trying to mellow her out. I guess it is that she must feel in charge of so little, and here is this little person that she can be bossy over. Need to figure out some good tactics for this because I don't think I am handling it so well...

It was a rough evening- geoff went out to our friends' house after work for a few beers - which is fine. It is just that the late afternoon/evening is the witching hours- some semblance of dinner, a bath for sophie, cranky afternoon baby, messy house, stressed mommy. Just try to get through those few hours.

Sophie's first day of preschool is next Thursday- very exciting and nerve wracking too. I am nervous but I know she will do well after getting acclimated. Geoff is going to go in to work late so that we can drop her off together.

Baby is awake...

sick

There has been so much going on since I was last able to write. Alex is changing and growing so quickly- he weighed in at 18 pounds 9 ounces at his six month appt.- and was back at the doctor a week later for a croup-y sounding cough and ear infection. He loves the site of the pink amoxycillin on its way to his high chair- smiles like crazy when I shake up the medicine knowing the sweet stuff is coming. He is doing better with rolling- we spent some good time on the floor this weekend and he did front to back a couple of times and the opposite too -as I held out a tempting toy for him to reach out to.

It has been a pretty difficult few weeks. Sophie had a bad cold for what seemed like forever- he nose and cough just never seemed to dry up. After weeks of letting her body fight it out, she woke up one morning and sounded much more deeply congested and had a slight fever. Geoff took her in and she got a ten day antibiotic. I think it was still something viral- but at least it cleared up lingering fluid in her ears. With all the yucky symptoms going on we have really layed low and stayed close to home for most days over the last few weeks/month. Soph and I are both so used to some sort of daytime activity- gymnastics, mommy and me class or kindermusik on the weekend. It was really hard to just be in- feeling cooped up. For quite a while I was able to stave off the virus/cold but it finally got me in the middle of last week. Of course with the kids I just got juiced up on sudafed, robitussin and coffee to keep the train moving. As always, I tend to get sad when I am ill, and was just trying to stay in good spirits for everyone's sake. This last Friday, Rachel was here at the house with Alex- and instead of going to mommy and me sophie and I had a glorious morning at Bee Canyon park with a couple of friends and went out to lunch afterward. It was heavenly- sunshine, fresh air, playing, laughter, conversation with my friends, just chilling out.

My mom has been sick too but was finally feeling well enough to take Sophie today for an overnight visit. I think they have both really missed each other as they are used to seeing each other so regularly- and really have not spent time together over the last four weeks. A break in all of this was Easter- we had a nice brunch (thank you Honeybaked!) and an egg hunt in the yard, lots of little goodies for sophie- stickers and chocolates and trinkets from Target.

I am really really happy to have my time alone with Sophie- it really strengthens the bond between us once we return home to the baby. I think she feels like she knows how special she is to me, and I tell her just how much I love having special time alone with her. It is fierce- my affinity for my daughter. She is looking more and more like her dad if that is possible, and she is just such a good person to be around- so goofy and enthusiastic, vocal and energetic. She brings such a warmth and beauty to our life. She starts at the Granada preschool in mid-April. I am so excited for her and of course sad, too, to let my little girl into a whole new world. It is such a dramatic change in some ways- but I know it will be so good for her. She normally gets an hour of TV per day but lately has been asking for more. I think this is because we have been in so much and she gets bored. This was really the sign to me to get her enrolled already and socializing and learning what school is about. She is so bright and doing so well with the potty and is growing up so fast. She takes off all of her clothes now for bed or bath- and is able to pull on her own pants and undies with a little help. She puts her shoes on opposite feet, and loves to pick out the black patent 'hard' shoes to wear in the house. I put her hair in two ponytails twice this week- which is super rare to do anything with her hair except brush it. It is growing quite long in the back - mom said I should let the sides grow out a bit so that they can fit into a single ponytail for summer. Such a cutie, I just adore her.

My boy's hair is getting lighter, and his eyes have become this creamy hazely green color. He sits up by himself now, that started around a week or so ago. He grabs at everything and puts whatever he can in his mouth. We have gotten in the bad habit of going into the big bed together at night. With being sick he just wants to cuddle and not sleep without me. He is in his bassinet now (so ridiculous to still be using that thing- he barely fits and it lists to one side with the weight of him) after having a couple of ounces of formula. Not sure if it is the sudafed, but my one, left breast seems to have dried up completely, and my right breast just really seems to be waning on the milk production. Just twice this last week for the first time I gave Alex formula at night to fill him up and get him to go down to sleep. I feel like he nurses but is just not getting what he needs. He seems to suck a lot at night, when it is dark and quiet. During the day he just gets so distracted by Sophie and the sounds of the house, that the supply just is not there because the demand isn't. It is really that simple. I feel mixed- ideally he would continue just breastmilk, no formula, for a year but it seems that it just won't work out that way. I guess as always I will just take it one day at a time and see what happens. He started solid foods a few days before he turned six months old, and is enjoying pureed pears, applesauce, carrots, peas and sweet potatoes. He tried baby yogurt for the first time today and seemed to enjoy that mixed with his rice cereal.

Party planning sophie's third birthday- we are co-hosting a party here with her little friend Amber- their birthdays are two days apart. It should be fun- we are renting a gymnastics 'bus' and have art projects planned. I hope the weather will be nice- not too hot...

Baby is awake- looking for mama. I am still relishing being a parent- the three words I try to think of every morning are teach, play, laugh. I get caught up just trying to keep the house straightened that I miss the crystal moments by being too worried about getting the counters clear. It is a lot of responsibility- and in the dredges of illness and runny noses, the monotony of diaper changing, meal preparing, teeth brushing, etc. has gotten me a little bummed out. But spring is here and once we are all healty I know we are going to have a lot of fun...