Challenges in Parenting

So here again almost another month has come to a close with only one blog entry! A lot has happened - the days are such a blur of feedings and naps and dropoffs at preschool, aimless grocery shopping, and kitchen floor sweeping, nuzzling sweaty heads on pillows and nature collage projects dripping in white glue. The warm winds of October brought hillside wildfires a little too close. There were initially some fires to the east of us near Lakeview Terrace, and then another bad fire broke out in Porter Ranch just up the freeway a few miles – the “Sesnon Fire”. And then a third came actually quite close to us, burning up ridges less than a mile or so away- but no homes were destroyed in Granada Hills. Thankfully the winds died down after a few fierce days, giving firefighters a chance at real success in putting out theFlames. There were huge “superscoopers” flying overhead for two days, dumping water on the nearby blazes.

It was a tough month with Granada Preschool. A little girl at school (Olivia, who no longer attends) started using the phrase - “You are not my friend” and said it to Sophie. Sophie in turn started saying it at home- obviously unable to figure out how to make peace with this information. I went in on a day sophie was not there and talked to her teacher and that seemed to help. They started talking seriously with all the kids about how we are all friends here and we all play together. It seemed to have some effect. Regardless, I had also set up a meeting with the school director to talk about some other things as well- dirty door handles on the outside of the classroom, any pre-math concepts going on? Will Sophie get sandbox time? (It was under construction for a while there) Halloween treats? (I want to send her with some mini-cupcakes for her classmates next week.) The meeting went well with Ms. Kathy Mitchell and faith was restored in Sophie’s school environment. She had a bad week there, but since then seems happy once again to attend- that is all that really matters in the end- meetings or not. Kathy told me a phrase for Sophie to have on hand if someone says the dreaded phrase, “you are not my friend.” The good thing to say in response is: “That’s okay. Maybe we can be friends later.” Powerful, yes? Sophie likes the sentence. I think it will help her. She is starting to definitely exhibit more moodiness and the creased eyebrow expressions are on the rise. She is needing more time with her grammy to be goofy. Geoff is just too serious with her and intolerant of her kiddish-ness. I am too discipline oriented trying to get her to behave well and not get out of control.

My little Alexander had surgery last week to have teeny tiny tubes inserted into his ears. He has had 5 ear infections in the first year of his life, and when I brought him in for the last time the pediatrician and I agreed this was the inevitable path. Unfortunately he caught Sophie's cold a few days before the operation, but Dr. Reder agreed to keep the appointment because we both knew he would get another ear infection from the virus. Sophie came with Geoff and I to the hospital- toting her backpack with stuffed animals, a few books and requesting snacks from the nurse. We had to leave the house at 5:30 in the morning- in the dark- it was a little eerie. At 7am he went in and 30 minutes later came out fussy and unhappy from the anaesthesia. After nursing and still being unhappy for about 45 minutes he vomited and then passed out on me and slept for an hour. He had a feverish and grumpy couple of days afterward but seems better now. He did in fact have a brand new infection in his right ear, but he can now be treated with antibiotic drops instead of having to take antibiotics orally. I am really, really glad it is done and over with. There have been too many urgent care trips, too many diarrhea diapers from the antibiotics, too much ear pulling and worry. This operation should alleviate so much of that. I felt it was really critical with cold season just beginning to get it done now. He had his post op checkup yesterday and both ears were looking good! He is still nursing and cosleeping and is becoming more of his own person every day. He is becoming more vocal- pointing a lot- and his shins are getting all bruised from running into things. Sophie is being rough with him and not sharing well at all. I feel like I am constantly running to his defense, begging her to be kind and reminding her how much he loves her and just wants to be her friend. I feel my face growing haggard, I can hear my own mother's voice when I was growing up- "Don't do that to him!" They take things out of each other's hands and I just see the rivalry growing with time. How can I make them love each other and be friends? What can I do to foster kindness and joy between them?

Alex's first birthday...

has come and gone. My sweet little baby turned one and it was a bittersweet moment. I swear watching him grow is one of the most enjoyable parts of life I have ever known, but of course I am sad to see his infancy left behind. He has been taking a couple of steps here and there but just over the last few days since his birthday has he more confidently been taking 5, 6 or 7 steps in a row. He steadies himself, takes a few and stops, still standing and starts again. It is so sweet and of course we are all full of encouragement. We had a small family/close friends gathering- some yummy afternoon food and drinks, cake and presents. When we were all gathered together for present opening I welled up when I thanked everyone for coming to celebrate with us - that certainly turning one is a fabulously momentous occasion and so important to Geoff and I to have all of our dearest with us to mark this day. I love my kids, and I love my husband.

Of significant note, Geoff's youngest brother Kenny came for the party and met the kids for the first time. It was heavy for me, as it has been over 5 years since Ken was a part of our lives. I am glad the gap has been closed between the brothers - nothing a little prozac and lexapro can't mend, I guess. Time too.

Happily celebrated my sister's 34th birthday with her. We spent the evening at an overblown Hollywood restaurant called "The Hungry Cat" and watched a great set by the band "Stars" at the Avalon. It was thoroughly enjoyable and so adult- and I grow ever more grateful for my gorgeous girl Karen with each passing birthday...

Life is good right now- smoothing out post-construction, though Geoff had the middle bathroom redone and I thought I was going to lose my mind from exasperation. Brett has been staying with us for a week to de-program from New York. The New York City hot dog company has most unfortunately closed its doors. Both Brett and Kenny are now faced again with what they want to try to do with their lives next. I am sincerely hoping early next year Brett will come to California to give life a try here. He would be such a good thing for us to have here - and I think we would be good for him too...

Sophie is just a ripper! She is a zoomer at preschool now and zoom she does. Full of zip and energy and so physical. Her new friends are Isabella, Svetlana, Indigo and Reilly. One bad influence, Olivia, has left the school as her mother got a new job in Thousand Oaks. Good thing - she had sophie saying in moments of frustration, "You are not my friend!" and an endless parade of "meows" and also this awesome snorting sound used to indicate disagreement. Ah, there will be so many influences that will shape her. She is such a little sponge. We play "name that letter" where we pick a word and she names which letter starts that word. At school this week she is working on the letter "D" with her classmates. At mom's house she is enjoying her puzzles and beading necklaces. Here she is enjoying her brother more and more as he grows out of his baby stage. She is too rough with his little body though and got a big timeout tonight for almost bonking his head on the side of the tub inadvertantly. She is growing like a weed- almost all of her 3T clothes are too small. Loves wearing dresses right now- eating pasta and of course her sweets. Of course I adore her even with her climbing over me as if I am a piece of jungle gym equipment.

Work is fine- fairly flat right now- maintenance mode with the biggest loser season 6. Saw my lovely friend Josie today and meet her 2 month old daughter Chloe- absolutely beautiful little girl. Things are going pretty well with Rachel- no complaints. Alex is suffering from another ear infection- so it is time to meet with the ENT specialist to talk about doing tubes. I am totally open to that idea- as he is now on his 4th round of antibiotics in a year for ear infections. Yuck- enough already- we are just walking into the cold season right now. He is allergic to amoxycillin and now is showing a resistance to the cefdinir and is on zithromax. He has no appetite except for bottles and gets diarrhea. I am so open to the tubes idea just to take care of it once and for all. At his one year checkup, he weight 21 pounds, 14 ounces- 50% for his height, 30% for his weight, and 25% for his head circumference. I must say though he is starting to get a little aggressive with me- a little batting at my hands, a little biting here and there that I will not tolerate, and I have been clear with him that no biting is allowed- very stern. Still nursing - mostly at night - maybe once during the day but that is it. I think it is really just about the nuzzling and skin contact - not the milk. He really is just a love muffin though. Adores his sister to no end...

On October 10th I will be married for 10 years. Geoff and I are leaving the kids with my mom and we are going to spend our anniversary night in Montecito at the Montecito Inn. We have a dinner reservation at the San Ysidro Ranch, where we were married. (Too expensive to book a cottage there!) Hopefully we wil get to walk under the arch where we said our vows and take a moment to really feel what it is to have spent all of these years together- for better or for worse.

Am milked and cookied and off to bed to wrap my body around the little guy. mwah.