summer

is really just speeding by. I turned 39 last week- celebrated with a bike ride on the beach with my sister, and a swim/bbq with family and close friends in the afternoon. just lovely and perfect. I feel grateful with all-- truly nothing to ask for.

It has been so long since I did an entry - I have just not made the time to sit down and write. May was just an exhausted month and I could not seem to feel better- it was weird- not depression or anything, just downright weariness that I could not seem to overcome. June and July were definitely slower and I started to get back some energy and oomph after just scaling it all back a bit - not trying to do too much. I think managing all the aspects of the first few months of the year- the change in the nanny situation, sophie's preschool changing in January, Alex's separation anxieties with Rachel, Geoff still figuring out life with Prozac, Sophie's birthday parties, etc. just really took a toll on me. I am happy to feel that things are rolling now - that the four of us are truly in a rhythm, it is not taking so much effort or emotional energy to have the day go smoothly. The kids know they are loved and they have a good life. I think that makes them calm and trust in us.

The pool is just amazing. June was super cool and gloomy and our swim season did not really start until July. Once the heat really came on we were all very excited. It is such a great family place for all of us to be- the water is such a healing and cooling place it feels like. We swim and frolic, play with toys, have snacks poolside and float around in the foamy bubbles of the warm water in the jacuzzi. It is our little resort really, in our backyard. And it makes both kids such fish! Being in there every day helps them both feel confident in the water for sure.

Sophie had a good summer school session. She shows increasing confidence in all things because of her positive experiences there. We have all been enjoying the pool as expected, and she loves being "ariel"- a mermaid. Adores the Disney princesses, Cinderell and Beauty, also Tinkerbell. It is cute and not too overwhelming. She is growing like a weed- total growth spurt right now though her feet seem to take forever to change sizes. Took her to Leann at Supercuts two weeks ago for her first true short haircut. Such a nice thing to do for the hot weather- easier to manage and she likes it too. We added another YMCA class to her roster once school ended so she now does ballet, tap and tumbling and seems excited to go to all of them. I keep looking for signs of burnout but none so far. She has her little mood swings but the downs seem to have so much to do with her just being tired. Still enjoying her once per week sleepover with her grammy- I think at this point that their time together is such a lift for mom. Gag's alzheimers' is such a downer, Sophie brings some humor and light into the house. She really is a little delight most of the time and seems settled in her world- with us, Jessica, Alex, her things. I have been trying to be more affectionate with her because I think I sometimes overlook giving her the physical love that she needs. Alex is so possessive of me most of the time that I have to sort've break out and just grab her. She is very affectionate herself lately, giving kisses to her brother and I. He too, asks her for 'hugs.'

Alex has been adding words here and there over the last month but finally seems to be making some sort of breakthrough. Not totally sure, but he keeps adding words to his vocabulary. I think he is going to need speech therapy to help him just sound out things better. He knows tons of words but saying them successfully is another story. He and Soph squabble here and there over toys but for the most part they have been getting along famously. She is lovey dovey with him- and gets a little too rough too- which I talked to her about. Who could not just think the little guy is the cat's meow- he is so cute and thinks she is the world, so Sophie eats it up. He was calling her "Zah Zah" for a while which has now evolved into "Sah Sah" so maybe sophie will come in the next month or so. We shall see. He still has a bottle before bed- a big one, and another in the morning so he is actually getting some milk. We gave up the baby food completely probably in early June- he is getting braver about trying new things, some vegetables, and he does eat a lot of fruits. Loves steak! He is an amazing little water guy - actually pushes off from the jacuzzi bench and glides in the water across to the other bench. He is kind've fearless in the pool doing big jumps off the side - "prone glides" and sailing off the steps to swim to me. He is really a natural- blowing bubbles and coming up for air. His hair is still pretty blonde, especially with the summer sun, but I expect in the later fall he will probably start to turn brunette like the rest of us. He too is enjoying a mommy and me class at the Y with nanny Jessica. She is very good with both kids and I feel lucky to have her- I hope it will last but she may move to Kentucky. I hope she will stick out the year she had promised me as both kids respond well to her consistency and boundaries. They both like spending time with her for sure. she is a nice girl...very good heart I think.

The resemblance between Alex and Sophie is really growing. It is trippy to look at their faces side by side when they sit next to each other.

what else- swim lessons on Saturdays at the Burke's house, Soph and mom had their annual trip to the Ventura county fair with Robert, the Stranieres have been out to visit recently and Uncle Brett is FINALLY going to give up the ghost and move west. Thank God. We really maxed out the few months we had to use our Disneyland annual passes before the summer months kicked in. Good times! Went a couple of times just sophie and I, and a couple of other trips with mom and Karen. Really so much fun. I can't wait to return probably in late september. got sophie and I tickets to Mickey's trick or treat party in October. Bring it on!

Both Geoff and I are just too heavy (and really appalled with ourselves and sick of feeling that way) and need to try to change bad habits. I am starting out simple- trying to cut out white flour and sugar for the most part and start moving around more. Other than the weight things feel good. In this crazy economy geoff continues to make himself indispesible and it seems we are in the clear at least for a few years. So scary to think we are just a couple of mortgage payments away from such a different life if he were to lose his job. My job is good and I still appreciate the balance. I do feel though, that the time with the kids being young is going quickly, and I do wish I could be with them more just to enjoy them. They will be in grade school before I know it and on with their lives. It is such a crazy fulfilled feeling to be their mom. It is a lot of work but for the most part things are feeling under control- I am getting good sleep for the most part and it helps me feel assured and strong. I just love them to death! Lucky mommy...