For weeks I have been wanting to find quiet time to sit and just put down in words who my daughter is. Right now she is the center of attention at her grammy's house- having a busy day with all things interesting at the house. My mom sets up a snow village each Christmas- this year there is a skating pond, with 4 or 5 small skaters that twirl around the plastic ice. Sophie likes to pull them off, and add other things onto the pond. Needless to say it all needs re-arranging once she leaves...
She seems so big to me for a 2 year old- though her birthday is only really four months off. Such beautiful legs she has- muscular and toned- just like her dad's calves. Her arms are strong and sculpted too. She has become a little monkey- hanging off of countertops and climbing whatever and whenever she can. We go to an indoor play place, last week she made it to the top by grabbing onto netting to hoist her body up from platform to platform- over and over and over. There was a 3 year old girl named Vivian who started following her- climbing up and then swirling down the curving red slide together. Since Alex was born, especially during the first couple of months, we have spent so much time at home. Sophie went from being very active with dance class, art class, mommy and me and playdates- to a lot of downtime at home. It is a relief to be out and doing things again- her little body needs the exercise to make it happy and calm when playtime is over. She plays so hard! I took she and Alex to the Bee Canyon park last Sunday - it was a beautiful day- bright and clear and cool. Little Alex rolled over for the first time and 10 weeks old from his back to his front. Granted, there was a bit of a slant on the grass, but still!
Sophie did super on her own, joining up with other kids and running wild, digging in the sand with her battered toys and climbing and sliding. I have found other parents so willing to give a hand- put her into, and give her pushes on the swing alongside their own child. It is so nice to see how other moms and dads can see my hands full with the baby, and they jump right in to give that adult hand where it is needed. She checks in to chew on half of a string cheese, shovel a few grapes into her mouth and swig water from her sippy cup before returning to play. I think she is her happiest when she is outside and playing. Or in the house, 'rough housing' as we call it.
I put Alex in the bouncer and tackle her onto the ground, and tickle tickle tickle. We do motorboat and the sleepy rabbits song, she does her toddler cartwheels and somersaults. And she laughs- shaking out any nervous energy and running at me full force from across the room. She has been using her body sometimes to lunge at me on the couch while I am holding Alex and it is a frightening moment. I push her down, off the couch and tell her "No! You could hurt us! Don't do that- no lunging at mommy when I am holding the baby!" I think she is starting to understand, but I know it is a play for attention- that she deep down wants to be held too like he is being held...
She does love her brother though- she gets so close up into his face, that he cannot see her, and I explain this, but no matter. She goes right up and mimics my language - "hello little sweet man, how are you today?"She laughs and does little panting noises, mirroring him as he struggles to get over the congestion of his third cold of his life. She puts toys on his body when he is in the bouncer and a blanket too, reminded to never put anything over his face. She hugs him, unaware of her own body weight and pressure against his infant frame. I am always saying, "careful, he is still small- please don't lean on him, be gentle."
After months of 'no nap' during the second half of my pregnancy, she has blissfully started going down again for a 2 hour respite in the mid-afternoon. She snuggles down into her down blanket with her creatures, listening to softly playing meditative music and breathing in warm, humidified air. We all rest, Alex on my chest or alongside me in the bed- Sophie will chat for a while and then all is still in the house. I don't know how long it will last, but it is such a nice break in the afternoon. I miss my time alone with her. I got very emotional a few weeks ago, mourning the time when she was my baby, my only girl to fawn over and read to and nourish.
The rare times when Alex naps in his bassinet alone in the day, I try to put down the kitchen sponge and disregard the mail pile so that I can snuggle her and read to just her- talk and comment on her things- the mound of polished blue and white 'stones' that are endless entertainment, her little blue bears, Bent and care bear and the Juno doll dad gave her for chanukah, the assortment of different puzzles and random small plastic bric brac. She loves her learning tower and helping bake recipes- pouring measuring cups of flour and sugar into the bowls- and always licking 'the licker' when the mixture is done. Sharing is still difficult, but I see glimpses of progress here and there. Last week my friend April brought over her 2 year old daughter Rebecca. Normally if they come to play Sophie is very possessive of her toys and unwilling to 'take turns.' This time, April came with several of Rebecca's toys and that seemed to work well- Sophie was able to investigate them, and was definitely more willing to have Rebecca be playing with her stuff.
Santa is due in just a few days, but she has proclaimed that she does not want any presents- that she will open them but she is going to give them to grammy. My mom says she feels so honored - and that if Sophie decides she wants to borrow them that will be fine. This year we will put milk and cookies out for santa, and no gifts are going under the tree until she is asleep in her little toddler cot on Christmas Eve. Then in the morning we will have a nice breakfast with the family and then open the presents. I am so fulfilled this holiday. My beautiful family- I feel so lucky and truly, truly blessed.
When I was pregnant I started to tell her, "Even when the new baby comes you will always be my baby." and "I love you more every day." She has changed the second sentence. Now I say "I love you more..." and she finishes "than anyone." I chime back, "no honey, I love you and Alex and Daddy all the same" and she says "No, more than anyone." And I laugh inside because, she knows she has been the center of my world, she knows that I adore her shining laugh and princess hair that needs brushing every day to avoid the big, scary knots that will accumulate if left alone; her open doe-brown eyes, and new storytelling abilities, the way her little right hand shakes up and down when she is telling me something important, her little horse gallop through parking lots while holding my hand, the hugs and loud kisses, her purposeful and sturdy little fingers that often have paint filled nails and small nicks and cuts.
I am amazed and so thrilled to know her, to be her mother and be a part of her world and growing up. I love her more every day.
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