noisy

I went to Burke Williams about a week and half ago when Rachel had Alex and Sophie was out at mom’s house. I had a gift certificate in my nightstand drawer for over 3 years now- $100 just waiting to be used. After the Hawaii traveling fiasco I was definitely up to using it- finally. I got a 50 minute spa style facial- hands paraffin waxed, cranium well massaged, face exfoliated, cleansed and masked. It was heavenly. Afterward I sat in the steam room for a while. And then the quiet room to try to just unwind for a while- but I soon got up and dressed- off to the next thing on my Friday list. It is just not quiet in my head.

Grabbed a cd from one of our newish IKEA cd towers and threw it in the player a couple of nights ago- Bettie Serveert – Palomine, which came out in 1993. It didn’t really recall specific memories- just an essence of carelessness, movement, music being truly important. Happily the whole cd was enjoyable in the midst of dinner making and cleanup and some sort of sophie craft at the table. At one point it was too loud, so down went the volume. I see how parents lose their taste for rock and roll, now, I truly do get it. For me it is because there is so much to manage in my head- so many thoughts going on- child care, target items to buy, bills to pay, Christmas gifts to conjure for my loved ones, things that need cleaning, areas in our house that need organizing. Much louder than that is the sound of my own voice disciplining my children. “Do not push him! Be kind. That is not okay. Alex, don’t put that in your mouth. Danger. Sophie, time out! You are not allowed to hurt your brother. Please stop whining- if you don’t you will go to your room so that you can have some quiet time. Give that back to him. Use your fork, not your fingers, you are not a baby. It is time to get jammies on. Will we be having 3 books instead of four?” It is loud. It is negotiating, it is compromising, it is placating, it is foreboding, it is powerful. Piling on some good old rock music from my younger days can make my head hurt now. I prefer the “Deep Sleep” cd that resides in my car to help Alex knock out for a nap. Flute and gentle piano, the sound of water rolling over rocks and the sound of rain. Calm that voice inside…

My baby boy is walking so well at 14 months- he is agile, as a good friend put it- toddling around – on his way. Three new teeth coming in at once. His favorite things are still the real phones, bottles of lotion and Vaseline tubes, other people’s toothbrushes when he can get ahold of them. Still sleeping with us- cuddly as can be. I can tell his level of comprehension is really growing each day when I talk to him. He is starting to show a little interest in books and loves the songs/finger plays we do from mommy and me- the wheels on the bus, the itsy bitsy spider, row row row your boat. He is eating more regular people food (still baby food too) and pooping a lot. He is caught up on his shots but I have delayed the mmr til the 18-24 month period. Maybe he won’t get it at all- poor Geoffrey is so worried about autism rearing its head. He is still unbelievably blonde even with the summer sun gone. He makes lots of sounds and vowels but no real additional words yet beyond, ma, da- though I do think he is saying ‘that’ and ‘more’ sometimes but I cannot be sure.

Love my girl. She is such a book and story lover, my little linguist. Yesterday she used the word ‘perhaps’ and last week ‘actually’ became a regular part of her speech. She is using skype- video conferencing- on the computer with my mom a couple of nights a week for Nurse Nancy stories, which is fun for both of them- tough to sign off though - Sophie tends to collapse into tears and I need to transition her quickly to the next thing- getting ready for bed.

My Geoffrey is achy. And tired – and his stomach is still bothering him from the weird stomach virus he seemed to have gotten last week from work. He is acting too old, too quickly, and needs to lose 15 pounds to get his moxie back. He needs time to take care of himself which I am more than happy to make for him - instead of collapsing in front of the tv and groaning with exhaustion. His well-being is such a priority for me and I wish he would take better care of himself. I put steamed veggies on the table almost every night and he is like a preschooler who just wants more ketchup for his hot dog. I do think he is smoking less though, the less he sees Ken it seems the less cigarettes Geoff smokes. If only he would quit, so that I could see beyond the next 20 years. How his children need him and will continue to need him - I don't think he is even aware how much.

Thanksgiving this week. I am bringing a brussel sprouts dish to my mom’s house.
Have not heard from sister- I guess I am off the desirable people list and I am sad about it but not too much. It’s too noisy in my head to be sad for long.