the holidays...

have come and gone. It was a busy, busy month with work, shopping, getting ready for Christmas, trying to stay on top of the house and bills.

My good health has returned and that has been really helpful in feeling productive and cheery overall.

Thanksgiving and Christmas were spent mostly at mom's house which was really nice- we had a good time and it was a relief not to host a big meal/gathering at the house here. We skipped the christmas eve party that is normally a tradition, (mostly since Brett was not able to come for the holiday- the first time in 10 years or something like that!) but I cooked an ambitious 3 courses for the family- shrimp cocktail, linguine with clam sauce, rack of lamb with roasted sweet potatoes and asparagus. It was yummy and Geoff and I actually went out for a Christmas eve cocktail after he got home from work. Rachel was watching the kids so we got to have a little toast to christams and I told him about our upcoming new year's eve celebration Cara and I planned at the standard hotel downtown! should be fun. There were mad amounts of gifts for soph- everything from nail polish and lip balm to puzzles, games and little ponies. She picked out a "Pat Pat Rocket" toy with her dad at target and she and alex both seem to love it as she is a Little Einsteins junkie. (Alex is just addicted to the theme song and seems to love hearing it over and over.) Actually, he has been calling the new toy "rah."

The day after christmas geoff and sophie took a 5 day trip to NYC and are on their flight home now. Unfortunately she got an ear infection and missed Mary Poppins with her grandma, but she had a ball meeting her cousins for the first time yesterday and celebrating Hanukkah with latkes and lots of presents. I have missed them and will be glad to have them home.

There have been so many changes with alex over the last six weeks- it is that crazy 13-15 month envelope when all of a sudden he is really, really a toddler and losing all that babyness.

-got his first haircut on 12/27 - 15 months old and the clippings are blonde as can be

-the first words are starting besides ma and da- we have 'ba ba' for bottle and also ball, he roars to sound like a lion, 'fff' is woof for dog, 'mmm' is moo for the cow and 'mow' is meow for cat. Daddy is "da" but sophie is "dough" and "ma" stands for more. It is very sweet and i think he is pleased to know he is being understood.

-He is super busy- pulling around a kid stepstool to gain some height to look at things, pushing around kid sized chairs. He started taking a real interest in books at 14 months so that has been a real pleasure- reading to him, pointing out colors and animals and numbers.

-he and sophie have become better playmates- though they have their tussle moments he is more fun for sophie now that he is walking and loves to be chased by her.

-He is doing really well with Rachel for the most part which should foster an easier time when preschool rolls around. He has started to warm up to grammy dot too and they have become friends.

-got SIX TEETH in the last month including four 1 year molars and no ear infections since the tubes were put in which has been a huge relief.

-he really enjoys the songs and finger plays from mommy and me class now- the wheels on the bus, the itsy bitsy spider, row row row your boat and others. Loves wandering around with his blue, electric toothbrush in his mouth, and lays down willingly on the floor each night so that I can brush his teeth.

His level of comprehension seems ridiculously high to me for his age, and he is super at following directions. He loves to push around the dry mop, put clean silverware away, and help me put clean, wet clothes into the dryer. When it is tub time he goes and grabs a washcloth from the drawer without being asked.

Just love that boy to death - it must be the Libra thing as they are just so loveable and easygoing. I mean, no one can resist his smile. What a charmer and SO handsome if I do say so myself. He is starting to need some discipline - last night he kept yanking on the blinds in the living room from the couch. I kept putting him on the floor and telling him no. He loves buttons and noisy toys- cause and effect of those types of interactions seem to be just peachy for him. He has been turning on and off the christmas tree lights all week and pushing around the shopping cart he got for his birthday. Loves to climb and explore the toys in the bins in the playroom. He ADORES dogs- in books or in real life and screams with delight wanting to pet them. When we see Shadow at moms he couldn't be happier. He still sleeps at night with geoff and I and seems oh so happy to be there. and frankly I am happy to have him there too- warm little cuddlebug on these chilly nights. He is still nursing a couple of times per day and we get up once or twice in the night so that he can scoff down a 4oz bottle of lactose free milk on the couch. The nursing is mostly just the skin contact/comfort- not the milk at this point.

Bean. She is my active, determined little person. Loves her dad and I am sure they are even more bonded after this trip to the city. I am switching her preschool next month to the Methodist weekday school where her friends Sophia and Kaylin go. She will go back to a Tuesday/Thursday schedule which will give me more time with her and also free up more playdate/extracurricular activities too. and time with her grammy. The kids at weekday go only half day or extended half day- so it is a true preschool not a daycare/school facility. I am hoping Sophie makes a few friends, as it seems in this class at the granada preschool that she hasn't really connected with any little girls like she did as a scamper. Light blue care bear seems to be losing a little of his appeal. Is she growing out of the lovey object era? The bedtime stories that her grammy and dad tell her- she is always requesting something bad to happen- the person gets hurt, or dies or something bad happens. I asked the pediatrician about it and she said it is normal- to dehumanify the bad stuff- so like, the bug dies, the branch of a tree falls off and dies. Not sure what to think but I am not too concerned.

I am determined to lose 10 pounds. I just need to stop putting junk in my mouth!

off to get a car wash before rachel heads out for the day. i so wish i had been able to get in a couple of more entries this month but just couldn't seem to make it happen...

noisy

I went to Burke Williams about a week and half ago when Rachel had Alex and Sophie was out at mom’s house. I had a gift certificate in my nightstand drawer for over 3 years now- $100 just waiting to be used. After the Hawaii traveling fiasco I was definitely up to using it- finally. I got a 50 minute spa style facial- hands paraffin waxed, cranium well massaged, face exfoliated, cleansed and masked. It was heavenly. Afterward I sat in the steam room for a while. And then the quiet room to try to just unwind for a while- but I soon got up and dressed- off to the next thing on my Friday list. It is just not quiet in my head.

Grabbed a cd from one of our newish IKEA cd towers and threw it in the player a couple of nights ago- Bettie Serveert – Palomine, which came out in 1993. It didn’t really recall specific memories- just an essence of carelessness, movement, music being truly important. Happily the whole cd was enjoyable in the midst of dinner making and cleanup and some sort of sophie craft at the table. At one point it was too loud, so down went the volume. I see how parents lose their taste for rock and roll, now, I truly do get it. For me it is because there is so much to manage in my head- so many thoughts going on- child care, target items to buy, bills to pay, Christmas gifts to conjure for my loved ones, things that need cleaning, areas in our house that need organizing. Much louder than that is the sound of my own voice disciplining my children. “Do not push him! Be kind. That is not okay. Alex, don’t put that in your mouth. Danger. Sophie, time out! You are not allowed to hurt your brother. Please stop whining- if you don’t you will go to your room so that you can have some quiet time. Give that back to him. Use your fork, not your fingers, you are not a baby. It is time to get jammies on. Will we be having 3 books instead of four?” It is loud. It is negotiating, it is compromising, it is placating, it is foreboding, it is powerful. Piling on some good old rock music from my younger days can make my head hurt now. I prefer the “Deep Sleep” cd that resides in my car to help Alex knock out for a nap. Flute and gentle piano, the sound of water rolling over rocks and the sound of rain. Calm that voice inside…

My baby boy is walking so well at 14 months- he is agile, as a good friend put it- toddling around – on his way. Three new teeth coming in at once. His favorite things are still the real phones, bottles of lotion and Vaseline tubes, other people’s toothbrushes when he can get ahold of them. Still sleeping with us- cuddly as can be. I can tell his level of comprehension is really growing each day when I talk to him. He is starting to show a little interest in books and loves the songs/finger plays we do from mommy and me- the wheels on the bus, the itsy bitsy spider, row row row your boat. He is eating more regular people food (still baby food too) and pooping a lot. He is caught up on his shots but I have delayed the mmr til the 18-24 month period. Maybe he won’t get it at all- poor Geoffrey is so worried about autism rearing its head. He is still unbelievably blonde even with the summer sun gone. He makes lots of sounds and vowels but no real additional words yet beyond, ma, da- though I do think he is saying ‘that’ and ‘more’ sometimes but I cannot be sure.

Love my girl. She is such a book and story lover, my little linguist. Yesterday she used the word ‘perhaps’ and last week ‘actually’ became a regular part of her speech. She is using skype- video conferencing- on the computer with my mom a couple of nights a week for Nurse Nancy stories, which is fun for both of them- tough to sign off though - Sophie tends to collapse into tears and I need to transition her quickly to the next thing- getting ready for bed.

My Geoffrey is achy. And tired – and his stomach is still bothering him from the weird stomach virus he seemed to have gotten last week from work. He is acting too old, too quickly, and needs to lose 15 pounds to get his moxie back. He needs time to take care of himself which I am more than happy to make for him - instead of collapsing in front of the tv and groaning with exhaustion. His well-being is such a priority for me and I wish he would take better care of himself. I put steamed veggies on the table almost every night and he is like a preschooler who just wants more ketchup for his hot dog. I do think he is smoking less though, the less he sees Ken it seems the less cigarettes Geoff smokes. If only he would quit, so that I could see beyond the next 20 years. How his children need him and will continue to need him - I don't think he is even aware how much.

Thanksgiving this week. I am bringing a brussel sprouts dish to my mom’s house.
Have not heard from sister- I guess I am off the desirable people list and I am sad about it but not too much. It’s too noisy in my head to be sad for long.

Oahu with the fam...

The first family vacation...

Well it is over! We took our first trip to Oahu, Hawaii the first week in November and it certainly was a learning experience. The flight in was not too bad- Alex slept for about half of the flight and Sophie was fairly peaceable, enjoying Little Bear episodes on a loaned portable dvd player and having some story time on Aunt karen's lap. We checked in close to midnight to the Waikiki Skytower, room 1404. Dated and a little icky but not too bad. Got the a/c unit going and piled all four of us into the king bed.

On our first day there we took a stroll (brought the kick ass City Mini-Double stroller) along the Waikiki beach waterfront- Sophie and I dipped in up to our knees. First stop at the ABC store for umbrellas, beach towels and sand toys. We packed some peanut butter and jellys and headed out to Lanikai beach. It was mellow and had nice, gentle waves but Geoff got stung by a box jellyfish, which was definitely painful. Karen took him to get some 'Marine Sting' cream and benadryl which helped a lot. When we got back we tried going out for dinner at the Hula Grill near Duke's but it all fell apart. Alex just wanted to run around and Sophie was exhausted- had a meltdown at the table. That was dinner time pretty much all week. Our second shot at eating out was at Cheeseburger Waikiki, where pretty much the same thing happened. Another late afternoon was at Crouching Lion restaurant on the way up to the north shore. That went better with few people around a lawn for cavorting. The next night we tried a yummy takeout picnic on the beach- but that was sandy and the kids were being rough on each other. The last night was the food court at the royal hawaiian shopping center. That was the best fit of all!

Other memorable, mentionable moments:

Giovanni's shrimp truck on the north shore- Geoff and Sophie enjoying her first plate lunch together
Bobbling in the lagoons at Ko Olina on the west side of the island- immensely pleasurable
Papa Beard's cream puffs
having my wonderful sister with us to help!
sumptuous food from the Diamond Head Grill
a super cute Le Sport Sac purse for me- exclusive to Hawaii!
Hours at the Moana surfrider pool- heavenly
Swims at Waikiki beach- even more heavenly
running around on a grassy area of Waimea Bay after the beach was closed (the swimming part) due to a shark sighting
meandering the Honolulu zoo and finding the tortoises
ice cream every night
my Sophie bean - moments of attitude but enjoyed herself a lot
best part of the timeshare unit- the washer dryer combo in the kitchen which I used almost every day
super sweet and drippy fresh pineapple and papaya on the north shore
buying sophie her first pair of size 10/11 crocs- they have minnie mouse holes and a jibbitz for each shoe - one angel fish and one octopus

The not so good-
as aforementioned dinner nightmares
missing our flight on sunday and getting in a fight with karen because of it
sand in Alex's ears
Alex- my poor guy's nose was running all week and yesterday I felt two new teeth break the surface
which helps explain why he was WHINY ALL WEEK LONG. He just seemed all out of sorts, especially in the timeshare. Sensitive little thing...
Geoff losing his cool- a daily occurrence
the jellyfish sting
packing everything up
being in the condo. What an energy suck. Everything would always improve dramatically once we clearedout for the day.
Geoff thinking he lost the kids' birth certificates when we were flying home
the flight home- Alex slept for only the first hour and was all over the place. Sophie watched as much on the dvd player until in ran out of juice an hour before landing. Thank god for a Hershey snackster pack to save the day.

Ah, a quintessential family vacation...

Halloween festivities...

Back in the everyday world- it is November 13th and the heat here in southern california continues- high of 88 degrees today and hazy as can be out there. I am doing okay- still fighting a cold that has been hanging around for weeks now, Geoffrey is too. At least the kids seem better.

First of all, we hosted a very delightful 3 year old centric halloween party. It was so sweet! I planned lots of activities for the thursday afternoon party - it went from 2:30-4:30 and I think it was just about the right amount to keep them interested. At first we did 2 crafts- one was decorating orange pumpkin craft bags with stickers and pom poms and feathers, pipe cleaners. The other one was decorating a real pumpkin with foam face stickers- super cute.

After that we did story time in the backyard where I read four sort of halloween themed books- the girls ate it up. After that we had easy snacks- mini hot dog bites, go-gurts, grapes, mummy mix (like chex mix sort've) mini quiches and cheese and crackers for the mommies. Then we played pin the nose on the pumpkin which did not go too well- I think the girls were a little young- they were not too hot on the idea of putting on a blindfold. About half participated- and our one 6 year old guest won, Leeah- she got a little painting kit as her prize.

After that we did sugar cookie decorating- I put out shaped cookies I had made with sophie ahead of time and frozen- pumpkins, cats and ghosts with orange, purple and white powdered sugar icing- the girls could decorate with halloween sprinkles, mini m and m's and mini chocolate chips. A bit messy but they were having a good time. Lastly we did a spider hunt- where I had Rachel set out big and little spiders inside the main rooms of the house at different levels. Sophie found the most, 7, and won her prize- 3 pairs of Tinkerbell undies. Finished up with Halloween funfetti cupcakes and some cookies that another Mom had brought. The kids got little monster goodie bags with a couple of sweet treats, a pumpkin bubbles necklace, a couple of creepy crawlies, a Halloween eraser and reflector necklace kit. A nice variety if I do say so myself! I had great help from Rachel all day - setting up and getting final party day things ready. Sophie dressed as a princess and Alex was too cute in his little frog costume. It was definitely fun and I would like to do it again next year- especially as I now have lots of halloween decorations!

I rented two kids' 6 foot tables and 10 chairs for the second time (same thing for Sophie's party in May.) I think I would like to buy 2 kids tables- they have ones with height adjustments from Lakeshore Learning that I have heard are just great. Keeping all the food just grab and go was so easy too- no recipe making, just easy baked appetizers, fruit, cereal mix and yogurts- that was the best call of all.

I used to dread Halloween as a single person- or I should say, pre-parenthood. I guess this is my wayof celebrating it too- by giving Sophie a fun and memorable experience. This particular holiday isso much fun through a 3 year old's eyes...

The next night- on halloween itself, sophie and alex and I traversed up to Oxnard for the ritualized trick or treating with Megan and Kimberly. Robert was away, so Alex and I mostly gave away candy to the kids from the porch. Some cute costumes but not too many. Sophie went crazy over her candy- noshing away as she does every year. Alex seemed to get a kick out of it too- toddling around in his froggy suit...

Challenges in Parenting

So here again almost another month has come to a close with only one blog entry! A lot has happened - the days are such a blur of feedings and naps and dropoffs at preschool, aimless grocery shopping, and kitchen floor sweeping, nuzzling sweaty heads on pillows and nature collage projects dripping in white glue. The warm winds of October brought hillside wildfires a little too close. There were initially some fires to the east of us near Lakeview Terrace, and then another bad fire broke out in Porter Ranch just up the freeway a few miles – the “Sesnon Fire”. And then a third came actually quite close to us, burning up ridges less than a mile or so away- but no homes were destroyed in Granada Hills. Thankfully the winds died down after a few fierce days, giving firefighters a chance at real success in putting out theFlames. There were huge “superscoopers” flying overhead for two days, dumping water on the nearby blazes.

It was a tough month with Granada Preschool. A little girl at school (Olivia, who no longer attends) started using the phrase - “You are not my friend” and said it to Sophie. Sophie in turn started saying it at home- obviously unable to figure out how to make peace with this information. I went in on a day sophie was not there and talked to her teacher and that seemed to help. They started talking seriously with all the kids about how we are all friends here and we all play together. It seemed to have some effect. Regardless, I had also set up a meeting with the school director to talk about some other things as well- dirty door handles on the outside of the classroom, any pre-math concepts going on? Will Sophie get sandbox time? (It was under construction for a while there) Halloween treats? (I want to send her with some mini-cupcakes for her classmates next week.) The meeting went well with Ms. Kathy Mitchell and faith was restored in Sophie’s school environment. She had a bad week there, but since then seems happy once again to attend- that is all that really matters in the end- meetings or not. Kathy told me a phrase for Sophie to have on hand if someone says the dreaded phrase, “you are not my friend.” The good thing to say in response is: “That’s okay. Maybe we can be friends later.” Powerful, yes? Sophie likes the sentence. I think it will help her. She is starting to definitely exhibit more moodiness and the creased eyebrow expressions are on the rise. She is needing more time with her grammy to be goofy. Geoff is just too serious with her and intolerant of her kiddish-ness. I am too discipline oriented trying to get her to behave well and not get out of control.

My little Alexander had surgery last week to have teeny tiny tubes inserted into his ears. He has had 5 ear infections in the first year of his life, and when I brought him in for the last time the pediatrician and I agreed this was the inevitable path. Unfortunately he caught Sophie's cold a few days before the operation, but Dr. Reder agreed to keep the appointment because we both knew he would get another ear infection from the virus. Sophie came with Geoff and I to the hospital- toting her backpack with stuffed animals, a few books and requesting snacks from the nurse. We had to leave the house at 5:30 in the morning- in the dark- it was a little eerie. At 7am he went in and 30 minutes later came out fussy and unhappy from the anaesthesia. After nursing and still being unhappy for about 45 minutes he vomited and then passed out on me and slept for an hour. He had a feverish and grumpy couple of days afterward but seems better now. He did in fact have a brand new infection in his right ear, but he can now be treated with antibiotic drops instead of having to take antibiotics orally. I am really, really glad it is done and over with. There have been too many urgent care trips, too many diarrhea diapers from the antibiotics, too much ear pulling and worry. This operation should alleviate so much of that. I felt it was really critical with cold season just beginning to get it done now. He had his post op checkup yesterday and both ears were looking good! He is still nursing and cosleeping and is becoming more of his own person every day. He is becoming more vocal- pointing a lot- and his shins are getting all bruised from running into things. Sophie is being rough with him and not sharing well at all. I feel like I am constantly running to his defense, begging her to be kind and reminding her how much he loves her and just wants to be her friend. I feel my face growing haggard, I can hear my own mother's voice when I was growing up- "Don't do that to him!" They take things out of each other's hands and I just see the rivalry growing with time. How can I make them love each other and be friends? What can I do to foster kindness and joy between them?

Alex's first birthday...

has come and gone. My sweet little baby turned one and it was a bittersweet moment. I swear watching him grow is one of the most enjoyable parts of life I have ever known, but of course I am sad to see his infancy left behind. He has been taking a couple of steps here and there but just over the last few days since his birthday has he more confidently been taking 5, 6 or 7 steps in a row. He steadies himself, takes a few and stops, still standing and starts again. It is so sweet and of course we are all full of encouragement. We had a small family/close friends gathering- some yummy afternoon food and drinks, cake and presents. When we were all gathered together for present opening I welled up when I thanked everyone for coming to celebrate with us - that certainly turning one is a fabulously momentous occasion and so important to Geoff and I to have all of our dearest with us to mark this day. I love my kids, and I love my husband.

Of significant note, Geoff's youngest brother Kenny came for the party and met the kids for the first time. It was heavy for me, as it has been over 5 years since Ken was a part of our lives. I am glad the gap has been closed between the brothers - nothing a little prozac and lexapro can't mend, I guess. Time too.

Happily celebrated my sister's 34th birthday with her. We spent the evening at an overblown Hollywood restaurant called "The Hungry Cat" and watched a great set by the band "Stars" at the Avalon. It was thoroughly enjoyable and so adult- and I grow ever more grateful for my gorgeous girl Karen with each passing birthday...

Life is good right now- smoothing out post-construction, though Geoff had the middle bathroom redone and I thought I was going to lose my mind from exasperation. Brett has been staying with us for a week to de-program from New York. The New York City hot dog company has most unfortunately closed its doors. Both Brett and Kenny are now faced again with what they want to try to do with their lives next. I am sincerely hoping early next year Brett will come to California to give life a try here. He would be such a good thing for us to have here - and I think we would be good for him too...

Sophie is just a ripper! She is a zoomer at preschool now and zoom she does. Full of zip and energy and so physical. Her new friends are Isabella, Svetlana, Indigo and Reilly. One bad influence, Olivia, has left the school as her mother got a new job in Thousand Oaks. Good thing - she had sophie saying in moments of frustration, "You are not my friend!" and an endless parade of "meows" and also this awesome snorting sound used to indicate disagreement. Ah, there will be so many influences that will shape her. She is such a little sponge. We play "name that letter" where we pick a word and she names which letter starts that word. At school this week she is working on the letter "D" with her classmates. At mom's house she is enjoying her puzzles and beading necklaces. Here she is enjoying her brother more and more as he grows out of his baby stage. She is too rough with his little body though and got a big timeout tonight for almost bonking his head on the side of the tub inadvertantly. She is growing like a weed- almost all of her 3T clothes are too small. Loves wearing dresses right now- eating pasta and of course her sweets. Of course I adore her even with her climbing over me as if I am a piece of jungle gym equipment.

Work is fine- fairly flat right now- maintenance mode with the biggest loser season 6. Saw my lovely friend Josie today and meet her 2 month old daughter Chloe- absolutely beautiful little girl. Things are going pretty well with Rachel- no complaints. Alex is suffering from another ear infection- so it is time to meet with the ENT specialist to talk about doing tubes. I am totally open to that idea- as he is now on his 4th round of antibiotics in a year for ear infections. Yuck- enough already- we are just walking into the cold season right now. He is allergic to amoxycillin and now is showing a resistance to the cefdinir and is on zithromax. He has no appetite except for bottles and gets diarrhea. I am so open to the tubes idea just to take care of it once and for all. At his one year checkup, he weight 21 pounds, 14 ounces- 50% for his height, 30% for his weight, and 25% for his head circumference. I must say though he is starting to get a little aggressive with me- a little batting at my hands, a little biting here and there that I will not tolerate, and I have been clear with him that no biting is allowed- very stern. Still nursing - mostly at night - maybe once during the day but that is it. I think it is really just about the nuzzling and skin contact - not the milk. He really is just a love muffin though. Adores his sister to no end...

On October 10th I will be married for 10 years. Geoff and I are leaving the kids with my mom and we are going to spend our anniversary night in Montecito at the Montecito Inn. We have a dinner reservation at the San Ysidro Ranch, where we were married. (Too expensive to book a cottage there!) Hopefully we wil get to walk under the arch where we said our vows and take a moment to really feel what it is to have spent all of these years together- for better or for worse.

Am milked and cookied and off to bed to wrap my body around the little guy. mwah.

Stealing naps...

Okay- so we have fully arrived at the difficult stage with Alex where napping is something sought out. He HATES his crib and has not been in it in weeks for a nap or nighttime sleep or otherwise. At night he cannot get close enough to my body and is total snuggle bug. Geoff is totally over sharing his marital bed with this boy, and yet neither of us seem to have the ability to suck it up and try to get him out of there. The simple truth is- sleep is really easy with him in the bed. He wakes up to nurse a couple of times and other than that he goes back down really easily - cuddled up to me or geoff. Night time is one thing- daytime is another.

Naps are currently- in the car, in the stroller, or on the couch but rarely. sometimes in 'the big bed' after being nursed. I swear there is just negative energy in his room right now. He does not like having his diaper changed or clothes changed and the crib is just awful to him, so being in there just feels like nothing successful happens in there. With the exception of reading sophie bedtime stories in the rocker which happens a couple of times per week. While we read Alex plays with toys placed in the nightstand drawers.

So our little guy is almost one- just a few weeks away now. His favorite things are his V-Tech music bus (which was Sophie's) a toy vacuum that he loves to push around, he loves his instruments-maracas, shaker egg, cymbals, wave drum, tambourine-I have these tub toy flutes but he does not know to blow air into them so he puts the mouthpiece part in his mouth and makes humming sounds- it is hysterical. He is fascinated by my electric toothbrush and wants to get his hands on the sunscreen tubes and other personal hygiene tubes/bottles he can see up on his dresser. No real 'lovey' object to speak of- just his mom. He is SUPER close to walking. He has been cruising for so long, and he really wants to walk, I can tell. I think there is a little lack of confidence going on. I am thinking in a few more weeks tops he will be taking several steps at a time. He is crazy blonde and is growing quickly again after a few months of his growth slowing down. He is eating more solids now, and has still enjoyed jarred baby food up until this week! He is doing finger foods like avocado, roast beef, toast with butter, graham crackers, he loves sweet navel oranges and fresh peach and grapes too. I need to start getting some well-cooked veggies on his tray. Not such a fan of scrambled eggs and banana has fallen out of favor. Of course I will keep trying.

Sophie is now going to preschool on the "big side" and has new teachers- Lacey and Jessica. I moved her to 3 half days per week but am trying to switch her back to Tuesday/Thursday mornings only. She seems to enjoy it a lot- she used to have a little trepidation at drop off on the little kids side but seems to know she has moved up and everything is okay. Her behavior has been a lot better over the last few weeks.

Geoff is off in NYC right now helping his Dad campaign for the primary. Robert is running for a seat in the house- it is all kind've bizarre. He will be back late tomorrow- we have missed having him here. Yesterday we had a super long day at Venice Beach with Karen and Stacie and Sam Rose, who sophie just adores. It was great- so relaxing and we got yummy cheeseburgers for dinner afterwards- desserts to go and sophie had a bath at karen's apartment- we did not get home til 8:30 at night. Splendid.

Overall I am doing okay - balancing mommyhood and work, housekeeping and activities. I really relish my Friday afternoons off for movies (over the summer I have seen Frozen River, Batman the Dark Knight, Hancock, American Teen- super cute- The Wackness, Sisterhood of the traveling pants - I have seen quite a bit. Nothing as distracting as a good film in a chilled, dark theater to make me forget about everything that is going on in the world.

am tired today- I feel like I have a lot more to say and recount, but I am a little dazed. will try to return soon...

a few pics

August daze

So, it has been an eventful last few weeks. The new nanny is a thief- robbed our house on the third day she came to work. Wrote a fraudulent check out of Geoff’s checkbook for $350 and stole two credit cards out of my nightstand. Over that weekend she charged over $1000 worth of stuff and had the balls to actually come back to work on Monday. We found out about it Monday afternoon while she was still working. Geoff threw her out and demanded she bring the money back that night. After she left he called the police and filed a report. All of the lost money was covered, but I signed up Alex, Sophie and myself for identity theft protection because our social security cards were in the places where she stole the check and credit cards. So distressing. Geoff met with a detective later in the week to find out she had no prior record- and the detective guessed that she has a meth problem- super skinny and acne. I emailed Rachel about coming back and she agreed to do so- thank God. If she had not I probably would have quit work- Alex is too young for daycare and I don’t think Geoff or I would have let another stranger into our house after this happened. It was so upsetting and just infuriating to geoff. Each day that passes lessens the sting a bit. After all, it is just money. The kids are safe- it could have been so much worse. I can feel my blood pressure rising just writing about it!

Had a fun 38^th birthday weekend. I swear running after young kids keeps you young.

Took the kids to Venice beach with my sister last week- Sophie could not get enough of rolling in the hot sand- and had fun bodysurfing in shallow waves. Alex enjoyed the warm water too- and Sophie actually got on Stacie’s wave board for a minute. My little ones are natural water babies which makes me so pleased…

Since Rachel leaving the first time/all the construction, Alex has been very clingy and really a lot to handle. He will only sleep in the crib once he has knocked out somewhere else and really just seems to want to sleep with me. At night I am not even attempting to put him down in the crib as he just freaks out. I need to start some sort of program soon to get him out of the bed. Geoff is seeming really resentful of him being in there- and the longer it goes on the harder it will be for the baby to make the transition. It is really stressful and Alex not napping well or enough is really a strain on my sense of well-being. I did some reading online and will just need to suck it up and get exhausted working on this.

I am worried too about his six little teeth. I have not been vigilant enough in wiping them down with a wet washcloth after eating. His gums seems sensitive and I am seeing some staining already on his toofers. So upsetting. I really need to try harder.

His first adult-like mimic behavior is talking on the phone. He will pick up a random item and hold it up to his ear/mouth and start emphatically talking. It is hysterical. He loves the Neosporin tube and sunscreen tubes- something just fascinating about them. It is hard to talk on the phone with him near me because he just wants to play with it, push buttons and talk into the mouthpiece. He is really starting to get into all the cabinets including the TV credenza in the living room where the stereo equipment and dvds are. Need to get childproof handles for those. His knees are handily beat up from trucking around all over the place. I pulled out one of sophie’s walker toys and he is just adoring pushing it around. God knows we are all ready for him to start walking as he is so heavy. He does love being carried around though, and being up on a level where he can see everything from a higher point of view. He is totally enjoying the pool and loves when I “dunk” him under. He seems to have no qualms about submerging and stretches his arms out in front of him to “swim” as I hold him under his tummy. He stands on the jacuzzi seat benches and pulls himself up on the coping- not out of the water, but little pullups. It is so funny to watch at what a persistent and determined little person he is. When he wants something there is just no deterring him. He is blonde as can be and becomes even more bleachy after daytime swimming. His eyes are definitely hazel and the brown toward the middle is becoming warmer and richer. He hates the changing table and it is a battle to get a clean diaper on him- I am always trying to contort his little body to lay down flat – “No rolling! No rolling on the table!” and he CRIES and screams at me as if I am sticking pins into his feet. Same with getting into the carseat- I try to distract him with Daisy the stuffed dog but my trick is wearing out. He hates being belted in but is okay once he is situated. The little folds in his thighs are almost gone as he becomes more and more active. He adores his sister and is very empathic – when she has a timeout, usually for being aggressive somehow with him, he crawls over to her in the front of the house, trying to make her feel better, to see what is going on. He is doing really well with using his fingers for picking up bits of food off of his high chair tray, bits of pasta, deli roast beef, small cubes of sweet potato, pieces of bread, yesterday he tried some soft pieces of popped corn. He still adores his biter biscuits and loves to have little bites of coffee cake or cookies that I am eating. Also likes spoonfuls of cold smoothies I make for sophie and I – frozen berries, banana, yogurt, ground flaxseed, juice and ice. Every time he tries a new food he grimaces and looks in my eyes for reassurance. He is definitely pickier than Sophie was. I need to start getting more protein into both of their diets- especially beans.

My Sophie girl. What can I say? I feel like I spend so much time referee-ing and correcting lately. It is wearing me out even as my heart grows more fond of her regularly. It is so amazing watching her grow and mature. She is having a bit of a growth spurt right now. She tripped over a towel and fell into the pool last night- scared her more than anything- (geoff, alex and I were in the pool) and also took a spill at a park yesterday- tumbled a bit head over heels down a hill from running. Of course I was sad for her, but at the same time I know that experiences like that are exactly what is going to teach her physical limits- where her body can take her if she is not paying attention. She is enjoying preschool, though plays reluctant at drop-off- she hides her head under the back of my shirt. Lacey, a teacher from the older class who helps “receive” kids on the younger kids side in the morning, woos her with a plastic bulldozer, Muck, from one of her shows, “Bob the Builder.” They have had theme weeks all summer- carnival week, rainforest animals week, space week, western week. It is so cute- she comes home with photos of herself- on a pony ride, dressed up in a western hat with moustache, decked out in carnival star shaped sunglasses and funky pink hat. Her crazy passion for puzzles has returned- she keeps putting together a 100 piece hello kitty puzzle, and big floor puzzles- of a castle, and the solar system. Her two lovey objects, the bedraggled yellow blankie my mom made for her and “light blue care bear” (or officially “Bedtime Bear Country Fun Care Bear Beanie Plush” for future ebay type searching) the ratty country gingham character trail her out of her bedroom each morning. The bear goes for the ride to preschool but does not go in- he waits for her in the car, crying, as she says. She is still having issues with Alex touching her toys- when he is showing interest in whatever she is playing with. She now has a custom of sitting up on the dresser top when I change a poopy diaper of his. She hands me the diaper and is thus my helper.

I read a good article today on fostering sibling love- viewing the family as a support triangle- that it is not parents/top down management. Her favorite shows right now are “Little Bear” and still “The Little Einsteins.” And she still only watches two 30 minute shows per day- one in the morning on non-preschool days and one in the late afternoon after her nap. God she has a sweet tooth and cookies/cupcakes and any kind of CANDY are just the penultimate rewards and good things in life. I need to be spending more time teaching her things- math concepts, etc. I get so caught up in trying to keep the house reasonably decent looking that the better stuff, like taking the time to really interactively play, sound out words while reading, building structures out of blocks together- gets lost in the constant high chair tray wiping, dishwasher emptying, email checking, little pan scooping, bath towels washing, counter wiping, mail sorting, diaper bag repacking, teeth brushing, playroom picking up. God I wish I could just stop – I need to- set aside one hour per day for just enjoying my children. That is why playing outside of the house is so critical- time at the park or the indoor play space allows all that icky stuff to stay in the house where it belongs.

My Geoffrey is hanging in there. Boy it is a long day for him, starting at 6am and ending when he finishes telling his daughter a “Sophie the Grasshopper” story at 9 at night. He is exhausted and really has nothing left at the end of the day. It was one year and two days ago that he injured his neck. What a year it has been- I am so glad he made the decision to start prozac a few months ago. It has really leveled him out. Once the rest of the construction is done, and we have more distance from this robbery, I am hoping he will be able to enjoy himself more. Unbelievably, NFL superstar Brett Favre signed with the Jets this year. It should be quite a football season to come…

And me? I am okay. I got stung by a bee on my neck last night after getting out of the pool. I am happy my nanny Rachel is back. She has committed verbally to staying until April or May of next year. At that point she will probably need a full time job to pay her rent (she is moving out of her mom’s house in January) and by then Alex could go into daycare for two days as he will be walking and talking. Sophie could do two full days at preschool and I would not need a nanny at all. I have gotten to see a few movies this summer on my stolen Fridays- most enjoyably, “American Teen” with Cara last week. I have lost a few pounds from the swimming and the stress of the last couple of weeks but I really need to start a regular exercise routine. When it cools down enough I want to start our family walks again-they were really terrific. I am concerned about my marriage- I am feeling certain that I cannot give enough energy and time to my husband to make him feel special and worthy. The kids are just so demanding, and the housework too.

I am ready for fall- new preschool schedule, mommy and me class with Alex, the next season of the biggest loser…

.

under construction

I can't believe it has already a month minus three days since I last wrote a post. It has been a very draining month- the last week in June we got in a new round of workers/contractor to come in and do some finish work that has been looming over us for so long now it is not even funny. After Geoff and Joe moved all living room and playroom furniture into the garage, the first day 3 guys came and started a bench for the pool area out of the extra Trex decking material we had left over, and pulled up our existing laminate- the underlayment and the plywood boards that had expanded and caused the whole flooring mess to begin with. The contract includes framing and drywall of our new half bathroom (exhaust fan too) and closet, minimal electrical work, painting and trim EVERYWHERE except the kids bedrooms and our existing bathroom. Laying of the new "Applewood Pergo Presto" laminate floor that is due to be delivered at any moment. They are also finishing the tile work in the new master bathroom.



It has been an arduous time. For the most part, it has been one guy, Walter, doing most of the painting, drywall repair and floor prep. He is hysterical- sober for 4 years, total loadie out of Topanga backwoods dude. Of course, the state of the house, workers showing up in the afternoon, etc. has caused lots of tension between geoff and I. My joints are sore from pounding the miles out on the old white tile floor in the kitchen. The patio has been littered with the rug from the playroom, plastic play food and drying bathing suits for weeks now. The most benevolent place to be is the pool. I put alex in the ring floater and sophie in her vest and there we are- spending the afternoons. The pool has been absolutely delicious, I swim laps back and forth pushing Alex and singing to him. Our bedroom was painted over the weekend- 3 walls in a coffee color and one a deep siren blue/gray remniscent of clapboard shuttered houses on the eastern coast. We plopped our mattress down in the middle of the nursery and there we slept under the rickety overhead fan, waiting for the paint fumes to thin.



Last Tuesday the nanny walked in and essentially quit. She said that she had hurt her back carrying Alex- with the furniture being mostly gone she has not had supportive places to sit. And again she got Alex's virus. So the back, the cold, the construction work environment all got to her and she came to work and announced- "I just can't do this anymore." Shock. disbelief. 7 months of trust built slowly over time just out the window. At first I was just silenced. I told her I would pay her for the previous day- but then I stopped and asked her to sit down so that we could talk about it. I basically gave her a day to think over my proposition- take this and next week off to rest and recuperate and for us to talk halfway through to see how we were both feeling. I swear I stopped eating for two days I was so jacked up inside. I mean, just the way she approached it was so immature. She could have said - "listen, I hate to do this to you but I need to go to the doctor and find out what is going on with my back- I hurt it yesterday carrying the baby. I am overwhelmed by the construction this last month, and need some time off unexpectedly. Is there a way that you can find help for a couple of weeks so that I can get better? what are our options?" And to have treated this as a team situation instead of nanny vs mommy. Geoff says it is just an age/experience thing. Last week I found a bright spot- a listing in Craigslist and had an interview Thursday with a very charming girl- 25, surfer, confident- strong, needs part time work as she does photography on the side. Geoff interviewed her tonight after an odd weekend of her being incommunicado. Had a flurry of long-winded emails today with Rachel and now need to decide what to do. It is just nerve-wracking I tell you.

It is the next morning. Could not go back to sleep after Alex woke to nurse at about 4:40am- too much to think about it. After much hand wringing, I decided happily to hire Tara- I think it is for the best. Would like to preserve the relationship with Rachel and am going to see if she is still up for Saturday night babysitting. I hate to have her just disappear from the kids' lives completely with no notice- that was the last thing I wanted in all of this. That was the whole point of committing to a year together- not being surprised halfway through the timeframe with a walkout. Tara sounded happy to accept the job and starts next week. Training a new person should be interesting, as the kids' needs have changed quite a bit from six months ago. It is a fresh start and I am hoping that it turns out to be the best decision for all of us.

My little boy is finally growing fond of his grammy now that he has had some real face time with her. Me being physically out of the room is key for him to bond with others. If I am there, it is all about mom. Mom calls me his north star- always scanning, scanning- where did she go? Oh he is just a love boy and getting to be truly fun. He stood on his own twice for a couple of seconds yesterday, (when I was not there) is grabbing the spoon from me to self feed. He is like his mama- loves the carbs- biter biscuits, chunks of bread, animal crackers. He is so blonde from being out in the pool - it is just startling how light his hair has become. Not napping particularly well most days, of course still sleeps best next to the boobs.

My girl is growing more independent- still struggling with her brother but there is some playing together and sharing. Mom says I really need to involve her more with his care- letting her feed him, encouraging the hugs, handing me diapers etc. She set up a little "carrot/stick" system this morning with pistachios. Soph started out with 10 pistachios. Each time she cried or said no to mom, one nut would be taken away from her pile. It only took taking away a single pistachio for her to get it. The reverse way is to start a pile of some goody in the morning for good things she has done with her brother- sharing, helping, etc. I hear that the current count is 3 remaining. I think she gets to eat whatever remains after dinner. I am thinking I will buy a couple of bags of mini m & m's to give this a try at home.

I am wiped out- it is hot up here in mom's office and I am hungry. enough for now...

time outs

It has been a busy month. We finished up gymnastics classes at Le Club, Dad came out for a dinner visit on his way up to Carpinteria, I took sophie to see the Three Little Pigs for a second time. This time I was prepared with a charged up camera and took several video clips of key scenes for her to watch again and again on the computer. Which she has- just adores Polly the pig. I splurged and bought two tickets to a Playhouse Disney live performance at the Kodak theater for the end of September. This girl is geared up to be a patron of the arts.



Last night I went to see a concert with my sister at the Nokia theater - Death Cab for Cutie. Now, we have been fans of theirs for a LONG time- like 4 or so records ago. The first place we saw them was at Spaceland- a small-ish club in Silver Lake with an awful smokers' room on the second floor. Tiny. This Nokia theater was packed and was just enormous. I was pretty overwhelmed at the sheer popularity of one of our once indy sweetheart bands- they were wonderful and definitely were worth the $40 tickets. About 3 songs in they played a tune from eons ago and I welled up as it tapped into a deep memory pocket. So long ago - it felt- like another lifetime - before kids. Going to shows like this pretty much rocks me as I am brought back into memories and feelings I used to be- I used to have. I feel so deeply ensconced in parenthood and calculating details of daily existence- it didn't used to be like that.



I would come out of a show like that more than a little buzzed, damp scalp from bopping along with the rhythm section. I squeezed my sister hard and longed for the days when this was the norm- our existence- a tighter friendship and room for roomy conversations. I miss her, I miss Geoff, I miss myself. It really feels like two selves- now that sophie is 3 I realize it has been a while that I have been in caretaker/mommy mode. I said a couple of nights ago to Geoff that I am feeling a bit the 'hamster in the wheel' moving from sink to dishwasher, migrating breast pump and laptop into the car for the weekly work outing, pasting up the Dora toothbrush and wet wiping bottoms, washing the clothes and dustbusting up the cat sand from our still 'only one' functioning bathroom. I love them more each day - Sophie is becoming so independent in wanting to do things herself. Alex is "mamamamama" all day long and so loud! He is all over the place doing his special crawl- he pulls up his right foot and uses that leg to mock walk as his left knee gets dragged along. He is so blonde too- seems to just keep getting lighter that hair.



We had four day weekend in Denver a couple of weeks ago that was really terrific. I am so happy that Brian and Dena got to meet Alex and that Sophie got to see her cousins. She has some pretty awful behavior though- mostly just not listening- defiant. Dena and I had a pretty big heart to heart and I welcomed her input and advice on what she was seeing in my girl. Since we have been home she has been getting timeouts left and right and realizing that when I tell her something or ask her to do something I mean it and that I am not messing around. She, Alex and I went out to visit my mom a couple of days ago. Instead of her staying there and sleeping over, I played disciplinarian and we set up a new boundary there. No more sitting on grammy's lap during mealtime- she needs to stay in her own chair. Dena explained how Sophie has too much control and that she wants to be contained. She keeps pushing limits and being defiant of me because I simply have not put up the signs to really end her misbehaving. There is a zero tolerance policy of hitting or pushing Alex. I set up a new sticker reward poster for when she is nice to alex- cuddles him or shares a toy, she gets a sticker. It worked like a charm for potty training so I am hoping the same will ring true with this situation.



It is like every new environment- Brian's house, Tiny Town, mom's house, she needs reminding that the same rules apply everywhere- that she has to obey when mom says so. I am definitely bad guy and she doesn't like being bossed around so much, but the timeouts do seem effective at stopping her in her tracks- slowing down and thinking about why she is in her naughty spot. Fun, fun fun. It has taken a lot of energy being bad guy but I know it is worth the work for both of us. Actually, I am seeing improvements already. I think.

Alex is still in the big bed with us- nursing at least twice during the night. He is my little scamper- getting into all the cabinets, trying to get everything he can into his mouth. He seems to like the pool but after some splashing about he gets a very serious look on his face as if to say, "I am a creature that belongs on firm land." I need to try and start getting him to sleep a few hours in his own crib- that will require a nightly bath I believe. A new routine- more work!
he is a happy little child- happy to amble about, turning things upside down, trying to get his busy hands on Luna in the early morning hours in the bed, playing hard with Rachel. He has started clapping a bit and is definitely pointing. I have heard the mama sound a lot, some dada, some tey tey and a 'p' sound briefly a couple of days ago. He loves to pull himself up with the help of sophie's chair/booster seat and she just hates it. He pulls her hair too- I am convinced that is just a major sign of affection from him, but I chide him just the same for 'bad behavior' so that Sophie sees they are treated the same when it comes to some things.

We had a crazy heat wave for about five days (temps up to 109!) that has finally broken. It is nice and cool enough that I can take the little ones to the park tomorrow, finally. The pool has been delicious and Sophie has loved chugging around on her own in her little floaty swim vest thingy. She is a natural in the pool and took her first night swim with Dad over this last weekend. Doesn't get better than that for a 3 year old, right??

June

has begun- but the typical blistering heat that marks the beginning of summer here in the san fernando valley has yet to show.

I am feeling good today- strong, healthy, rested. both kids are sleeping- one in a new to her room full size comfy bed, the other temporarily in his crib until he wakes and comes into our bed. In the quiet of the 9 to 10 pm hour, I did some production work for the nashville star site, and am snarfing down amazing chocolate chip cookies that rachel made with sophie today. The chocolate chippers are really me weakness. Yes, pizza is super yum when I am really hungry. Yes, Old McDonalds medium fries have got me good recently but the c chippers are the true bring me to my knees food item.

Sophie. Happy generally but God so whiny sometimes. Everything is an argument- she wants it all her way, and I am definitely picking battles. Tonight in the tub, she wouldn't give me her filthy little hands and feet to scrub and I said, "Hey. I am the parent, the grown up, the adult. I am the one in charge and you are in the tub to get clean. Now give me those hands." It kind've worked- she gazed at me with those chocolate saucer eyes listening intently, processing. She is such a physical child and not always in a good way. She tries to climb on me and I tell her, I am not a jungle gym- I am a person and you are not allowed to hurt me. This last weekend at her grammy's she truly physically hurt my mom and enough is enough. We will be having a big talk about how she treats gram and mom and I have to get on the same page about what is okay and what is not. It is like she is just pushing limits and waiting for the boundaries to get put up. Until then, all is fair game. She must have had 4 timeouts today for getting physical with Alex. There is just a zero tolerance policy for that- she is going to learn quickly that he is not to be hurt.

Took her to see her first play last weekend- The Three Little Pigs at the Bubble Gum Playhouse in Sherman Oaks. She fell in love with Polly pig, because "she cried." Hysterical. She went on and on about this play for 2 days and so I bought us another round of tickets for this Saturday as this is the last showing before they start doing Rapunzel for two months. I sent an email and found out I can bring my camera- I will sneak a movie of the Polly crying scene for sure.

My dad stopped by for a visit last night-bearing stuffies- Daisy the dog and Tony the Tiger. It was his first time in six months which is twice as long as usual. He normally pops by once per quarter on his way up to Carpinteria on business. Good to see him-my dad consistently has really good energy. He is such a level and humorous person too. I think he enjoyed seeing the kids. It is funny to watch people who are not around kids much- you see the quick impatience for the whiny-ness and misbehavior. It is an acquired thing-being tolerant of the three year old environment.

Alex still has an ear infection - his 10 day antibiotic did not clear it (Cefdinir) so when I brought him for a recheck they gave me a scrip for zithromax. Christ, I just wish it would go away. I have stopped side nursing so that milk is not draining down to the side at night, and I am propping him up on a pillow a bit to get his head higher than his hips. Maybe with those changes his body can flush it out. If not, I will get the new antibiotic by the weekend I think. We are heading out to Denver on Thursday and don't want him to still have this thing. He is truly all over the place - getting into cabinets now, starting to gum some cheerios and small pieces of small pasta. He is getting the hang of his sippy cup I use to give him water. Thankfully he is still nursing (my right side only as the other guy stopped working a couple of months ago. I am way lopsided to say the least.) He is getting banged up too- bumps here and there, little scrapes as he is making his way. Such a musical little guy - loves the little shaker instruments and drum. Very rhythmic.

Excited to see my brother and the kids, Gabe, Quin and Camille. It will be their first time meeting Alex. will take tons of photos.

geoff and I saw Swervedriver this past Saturday in Hollywood- the last time we saw them was in '94. jeez. Good to get out and get a little loose, some cocktails. We were out til 1:30- hm. almost like the old days. one big difference - geoff slept on the guest bed as I told him Alex did not need to be sandwiched between two drunk people in our bed. Being next to just one was plenty...

injury

3 nights ago I mindlessly sliced my left index finger on a kitchen knife- the four of us tromped down to urgent care and I got 3 stitches. ouch.

sophie had 2 grand birthday parties with wonderul family and friends, cakes and presents, swimming and art projects.

Alex is all over the place- cruising and loves the phones, the tv remotes. he is almost 8 months old. He is on an antibiotic for another ear infgection, as is his sister. My poor boy also got her weird fever- is not eating solids and his bottom is raw from diarrhea.

soph is in oxnard with grammy- an odd rash showed up today but she is in good spirits.

i am treading water a bit with it all-parenthood, marriage, work. wiped out and worried about sophie and behavioral issues - pushing and so argumentative.

okay i am pissed because i can't really type with the way my finger is wrapped. had popcorn and a brownie for dinner and am ready to go collapse into bed where my son is already asleep.

treading...

and oh yes. today geoff took some baby stuff to the salvation army. a playmat, a bouncy seat, a set of bath towels, other baby stuff. The bassinet. I cried and took pictures of it before it went. It made me deeply sad to see it leave our life.

bone tired

I used that expression while talking to Geoff last night. I swear I have never been more tired in my life and feeling all of my 37 years. This morning my period showed up- what a bummer. You would think with nursing it would just hold off, but I read in a magazine that if you ease up on breastfeeding just a little, ovulating can begin again. Yuck. My head is heavy and as I have always felt with my period, I feel like I could sleep for about 2 days straight. This will not do. As soon as nursing is over I am going to need to get on the pill or something to minimize the fatigue. Last night I didn't even try Alex in the crib for a while- I was too wiped, and he is cutting those two front teeth - they are taking their sweet time making their way through the gumline. For the most part he has been a champ. I use these homeopathic teething drops- they were super with Sophie and they seem to work well for Alex too. Oh my little one is getting so close to crawling- he will be seven months old in just a few days and already he is scooting along so well. This morning for the first time he got into an upright sitting position by himself- up from being down on his back. What a star. He will be unstoppable this guy. We are going to need to do so much more baby proofing than we did with Sophie as everything he can get his mitts on goes into his mouth.



Sibling rivalry has begun- another exhausting item. Sophie does not want Alex touching any of her toys or books, even her interesting patterned jammies she was wearing today- "no touching!" "No Alex" and my heart is just breaking. Because I know this drill - this was me exactly as a baby. I was so nervous when my sister was born that I started biting my nails. It is time to get out a reference book or two on promoting brotherly love and how to mitigate the impending fights and struggles to come. Why is it that some siblings can really get along with minimal disruption, and others, like myself and beloved sister and brother- were just a disaster for years? Fighting and door slamming- "she touched me! he started it! get away!" Oh it wears me out just to think about it. My instinct is to just lavish as much attention as possible on Sophie to show her she is so important- which I try to anyway- but maybe I need to do more. Yesterday we went with the mommy and me class to the strawberry patch out in Moorpark - Alex at home with nanny Rachel. In the car on the way home she says "I like special time with you the best." Of course, who wouldn't? It is probably my favorite time of the week too.
The crazy love for my son just continues- I mean, I am so stupid in love with this boy- from his wispy turning blondish hair (which is finally growing in over the bald patch on the back of his head) to his cute little toes. And she sees that, she knows how he has sunk me - that I can't smooch his chubby, smooth baby skin enough- tickle the fold in his thighs and snarfle into his baby to hear that gorgeous chortle that only he can make. And of course I adore her too- more every day, as I tell her. She has 3 days of preschool now under her belt and is enjoying it. Departure in the morning is tough, but apparently it only takes her a couple of minutes to get over it and start getting busy in the sandbox. We did her first homework assignment, putting cut out first letters onto objects. It took two turns at it, but it was fun. On Thursday on the way home from school she came out with - "I love Kathy." her teacher. Back to tired, I am so depleted and at the same time have never in my life been so gorgeously full of love-
my wonderful kids.



The random tidbits:



Alex pulls himself up on my leg and stands. He wants to stand alone - there is no doubt about that.


He is starting to eat small chunks of banana and avocado and managed to get down a wet cheerio yesterday.

Sophie's little moment of potty regression seems to have faded and she is back to normal, but still needs reminding.

I have pretty much stopped lactating on my left side and am just trying to nurse like crazy on the right side.

Last week at gymastics (Le Club in Chatsworth) sophie, without any aplomb, tried the rope swing for the first time and liked it a lot after weeks of rejecting the idea.

My weight is stuck at 169 for over six weeks now.

Sophie saw her new dentist, Dr. Rebecca, and her appt. went well- her teeth look good but we need to start flossing every night. Milk with meals, juice once per day with meals. Keep those 'sugar bugs' from sitting on her teeth all day.

I am really pleased with how things are going with Rachel and both kids look forward to seeing her.


The weather is starting to heat up and I am excited that we will all be swimming soon.


Sophie has two of her own birthday parties coming up. An adult one on the tenth, and her co-party with Amber on the 17th. Trying not to get nervous about the second one.

Alex clothes wise fits best in 12 months creepers and jammies. Long kid.

Geoff and I will be spending our 10th anniversary night in Montecito at the Montecito Inn. We will have dinner at the san ysidro ranch, where we got married, and get to go visit the garden arch afterward where we said our vows. I am flabbergasted that it has been ten years. That means he and I have been together (on and off) for 16 years now. Insane.

Old Navy online order

It was Stuff and Save time at Old Navy- 20% off everything. So I scour the sale section for comfy odds and ends- now shopping for soph, myself and Alex- never Geoffrey. A little sale cross section of what we will be wearing very soon!

First day of preschool

So the first day of Sophie going to preschool has come and gone. She started about 3 weeks before turning three years old. I put up a photo gallery on smugmug with a description which I shall paste here in the interest of getting back to my teething 6 and 1/2 month old sooner rather than later:

Ah, she is growing up so fast indeed. Soph's first day at the Granada preschool, April 17th, started out pretty well! She had a breakfast of canteloupe, banana and some pink milk. Got dressed in her special first day outfit, teeth brushed, hair brushed, lunchbox investigated twice and off went the four of us! We met teacher's assistant Martha out in the play yard, handed over paperwork, and gave quick goodbye hugs. She started to cry a little but then went into the sandbox area with teacher Lacey (and her 'light blue care bear') - not too bad at all! When I called at 10:30 to see how her day was going, her teacher Kathy told me that there had been ups and downs- could be better, could be worse. She was a little pouty- bottom lip out- was sitting with Elvia when I called, one of the assistants. She was happy during circle time/stories, but not happy outside in the play area during free play time- she wanted to go in and look at books (she likes those inside rooms- so many interesting things in there.) She did not have the snack with the other kids but was off by herself looking at books and brooding a bit. Kathy said she had some new Bob the Builder construction hats and tools that she was going to bring out - thinking that might improve her mood! I picked her up at about 12:15- got to observe her for a few minutes playing outside- she was in the sand area again, and talking to a little blonde girl. So sweet. I picked her up and she got a Granada preschool t-shirt, blue of course, and a first day of school ribbon. AND they were doing a "Cars" pinata right after we left (for the full day kids) but her teacher had made up a goody bag for sophie to take with her beforehand so that she would not feel left out. As we left she said to Kathy- "next time I will be invited." so cute! she was in good spirits as we left. I asked what was her favorite part and she said the sandbox. We are so proud of her! I think she did great and hopefully this will be a good thing that she enjoys...

Of course we have been talking a lot about it in the time since the first day ended. She recapped for me that she sat next to a little boy AND a little girl at lunch, that she needed help with her cheese stick (unwrapping it) that she did not go potty until I came to pick her up, that the best part was when she found Muck (a Bob the Builder construction machine) in the sandbox. Apparently she did not look at books (she did) or the class did not sing any songs (they did as they do every day) and she mentioned that she did not do any puzzles. I asked her how she felt and she said that she was scared, because I was not there, but that she only cried a little- not a lot. Too adorable. She said she did not make any friends, and she did not climb on the climbing area thingy or go on the swing. I guess she was just happy in the sandbox with the Bob toys- Kathy said she enjoyed the Bob things as long as she had them all- when other kids took some she got upset. No surprise there! Sharing is such a dicey thing- sometimes she will, other times it seems almost impossible.

Yesterday at mommy and me, (I had her alone, Alex was with Rachel) she cried out and got upset when I had gone inside for discussion. I had told her I was going in, but when she looked up and I was not there she got upset- understandably. Of course I reassured her that at this mommy and me class I am always with her- even if she can't see me because I am at the snack area or inside. She skipped her nap- and was a total disaster area for Dad's birthday dinner. She and Rachel had made a homemade chocolate cake with cream cheese flavored frosting- very sweet- but she was just a wreck from too long of a day. I put her in her room for some 'quiet time' and she FLIPPED like she never has before. Had a full on tantrum and went into our room slammed the door, and hid next to the bed. I let her just work it out for about 10 minutes and finally went in to check on her- she told me to go away! I told Geoff that we really will need to give her some leeway the next few weeks- the room to feel what she needs to feel. This is such a huge transition- being at preschool on her own- no mom, grammy or established friends to make her feel comfortable. I am sure it will take a while to get into the groove and begin to feel confident about all the dynamics going on there...I am really so proud of her though and she is such a little darling- so clever and funny. I am trying to bolster her up as much as I can so that she feels like she can do it and have good days in her new environment. They say the Tuesday/Thursday part time schedule is tricky, because they don't quite get in the swing- Friday - Monday is a long time to not attend something that demands regularity to feel like an established ritual. I guess we will have to do some pretend preschool at home during the 4 day breaks.

Tonight we had an engagement party/lunch for our dear friends Ken and Cara- it was nice and my mom, Robert and gram came- they brought little Bean back up to Oxnard with them to visit for a couple of days. They adore her and she loves them so- there is freedom there, toys aplenty, books and puzzles and devotion. She gets to be the center of their world while she is there, and I get to focus on my little guy and try to get life in order while she is gone...

I sometimes forget how truly luminous in spirit she is sometimes, but her sparkling ways shine through and really bring happiness to those she loves.

email to a mommy friend...

hey pam - thanks for your message. Congrats on starting preschool- a big step, I know. Sophie's first day is this Thursday and of course I have mixed feelings about it. What mother wouldn't? Sad and excited, nervous and confident too about starting her now instead of in the fall. I only hope we have chosen a school that she does well in, and looks forward to going. We will see...

I am very sad though that Kaity and yourself will not be at Rinaldi mommy and me class anymore. It seemed very empty without you two there this last Friday- and Julie and Alice were not there either. To me, it is mostly about seeing you guys- and soph seeing amber, kait and sophia. With preschool starting I can't see us really doing Fridays at Rinaldi beyond May, if that long.

I will have Rachel consistently those Fridays though, so I plan to do special things with just my girl- the zoo, kidspace, hansen dam park, etc. Maybe if you guys decide to play hooky once in a while on Friday mornings you can join us.

I know you have mentioned too not continuing kindermusik beyond this session. I really hope that we can make an effort to continue our friendship outside of these staples where it is easy to meet up. Kait is just so sweet and funny and clever, and I think her energy brings a lot to Sophie's 'life with friends.' And William too you know I adore and hope he and Alex will get to be little pals. It is hard to have energy for stuff outside of the family just working part-time, and I know that working full time and managing your life is really a handful.

Anyway, not to be too icky and sentimental, I think you get my point. Let's have a playdate soon, yes?

Have a good week-Julie

in the thick of it

So although there are a dozen other things I should be doing- I just had to stop and write about the last few days. Geoff and Sophie are at kindermusik, and Alex is sleeping in his crib. That was the first big change this last week- the baby has been napping in his crib and spending the first couple of hours in the night in there, before coming in to nurse and sleep the rest of the night with me.

Last Thursday, Alex broke out in hives. The best guess is that it was from the amoxycillin prescription, which he had just finished. Other than that nothing else had really changed. It started in the morning- he got a weird dark pink mark on his chin and under his left ear with slightly elevated lighter pink raised areas. I thought it was a rash-within an hour they disappeared. New patches showed up 2 hours later in different spots- all in his head area- called the doctor. They said no benadryl usually for under 18 mos. and that I could bring him during walk in hours in the afternoon. Again, the patches dissipated on his own. 45 minutes into his afternoon nap, Rachel went in to check on him and came out with a horrified look on her face- his cheeks were all puffy and red and hot- he had big patches on his neck and head and two on his upper back. Straight to the doctor. Well, the benadryl helped right away- within an hour he was clear- but he got 3 doses total over the next 24 hours- and still this morning is a little spot near his eyebrow. I never had an experience like this with sophie- so it was new to me and kind've alarming. His spirits were fine- normal mood and breathing, no problems there. Anyway I am glad it seems to be over and I am feeling more aware of paying attention to what he is taking in now - food, medicine...

He has been SUPER active the last few days. I think crawling is coming soon. He is pulling himself up to standing and is pulling his knees up under his body when on his tummy, and rolling all over the place- front to back and the other way too. Get ready- clear the decks! Everything he comes into contact with goes into his mouth so the time has come to be super careful- soph and rachel and i need to be crazy watchdogs for all kinds of stuff he can get into. He is so vocal with the sounds- these long drawn out screeches and growls- I don't remember sophie sounding like that at all. And he is pinching and scratching at me a lot and I don't know what that is about. I mean, the pinching is a nursing thing I think, but the scratching and squeezing at me I just don't know. It wears me out- pulling his hands away. He is pulling at sophie's hair when he can and I tell her, he is just trying to say he loves you. haha. she is brighter than that. The thing is that she is getting very authoritative with him. "BAD Alex!" "NO, don't do that baby!" and of course, I say don't call him bad- he is just exploring and trying to learn about things. For the most part she is against him grabbing for her toys and books so that is tough too. Running interference and trying to mellow her out. I guess it is that she must feel in charge of so little, and here is this little person that she can be bossy over. Need to figure out some good tactics for this because I don't think I am handling it so well...

It was a rough evening- geoff went out to our friends' house after work for a few beers - which is fine. It is just that the late afternoon/evening is the witching hours- some semblance of dinner, a bath for sophie, cranky afternoon baby, messy house, stressed mommy. Just try to get through those few hours.

Sophie's first day of preschool is next Thursday- very exciting and nerve wracking too. I am nervous but I know she will do well after getting acclimated. Geoff is going to go in to work late so that we can drop her off together.

Baby is awake...

sick

There has been so much going on since I was last able to write. Alex is changing and growing so quickly- he weighed in at 18 pounds 9 ounces at his six month appt.- and was back at the doctor a week later for a croup-y sounding cough and ear infection. He loves the site of the pink amoxycillin on its way to his high chair- smiles like crazy when I shake up the medicine knowing the sweet stuff is coming. He is doing better with rolling- we spent some good time on the floor this weekend and he did front to back a couple of times and the opposite too -as I held out a tempting toy for him to reach out to.

It has been a pretty difficult few weeks. Sophie had a bad cold for what seemed like forever- he nose and cough just never seemed to dry up. After weeks of letting her body fight it out, she woke up one morning and sounded much more deeply congested and had a slight fever. Geoff took her in and she got a ten day antibiotic. I think it was still something viral- but at least it cleared up lingering fluid in her ears. With all the yucky symptoms going on we have really layed low and stayed close to home for most days over the last few weeks/month. Soph and I are both so used to some sort of daytime activity- gymnastics, mommy and me class or kindermusik on the weekend. It was really hard to just be in- feeling cooped up. For quite a while I was able to stave off the virus/cold but it finally got me in the middle of last week. Of course with the kids I just got juiced up on sudafed, robitussin and coffee to keep the train moving. As always, I tend to get sad when I am ill, and was just trying to stay in good spirits for everyone's sake. This last Friday, Rachel was here at the house with Alex- and instead of going to mommy and me sophie and I had a glorious morning at Bee Canyon park with a couple of friends and went out to lunch afterward. It was heavenly- sunshine, fresh air, playing, laughter, conversation with my friends, just chilling out.

My mom has been sick too but was finally feeling well enough to take Sophie today for an overnight visit. I think they have both really missed each other as they are used to seeing each other so regularly- and really have not spent time together over the last four weeks. A break in all of this was Easter- we had a nice brunch (thank you Honeybaked!) and an egg hunt in the yard, lots of little goodies for sophie- stickers and chocolates and trinkets from Target.

I am really really happy to have my time alone with Sophie- it really strengthens the bond between us once we return home to the baby. I think she feels like she knows how special she is to me, and I tell her just how much I love having special time alone with her. It is fierce- my affinity for my daughter. She is looking more and more like her dad if that is possible, and she is just such a good person to be around- so goofy and enthusiastic, vocal and energetic. She brings such a warmth and beauty to our life. She starts at the Granada preschool in mid-April. I am so excited for her and of course sad, too, to let my little girl into a whole new world. It is such a dramatic change in some ways- but I know it will be so good for her. She normally gets an hour of TV per day but lately has been asking for more. I think this is because we have been in so much and she gets bored. This was really the sign to me to get her enrolled already and socializing and learning what school is about. She is so bright and doing so well with the potty and is growing up so fast. She takes off all of her clothes now for bed or bath- and is able to pull on her own pants and undies with a little help. She puts her shoes on opposite feet, and loves to pick out the black patent 'hard' shoes to wear in the house. I put her hair in two ponytails twice this week- which is super rare to do anything with her hair except brush it. It is growing quite long in the back - mom said I should let the sides grow out a bit so that they can fit into a single ponytail for summer. Such a cutie, I just adore her.

My boy's hair is getting lighter, and his eyes have become this creamy hazely green color. He sits up by himself now, that started around a week or so ago. He grabs at everything and puts whatever he can in his mouth. We have gotten in the bad habit of going into the big bed together at night. With being sick he just wants to cuddle and not sleep without me. He is in his bassinet now (so ridiculous to still be using that thing- he barely fits and it lists to one side with the weight of him) after having a couple of ounces of formula. Not sure if it is the sudafed, but my one, left breast seems to have dried up completely, and my right breast just really seems to be waning on the milk production. Just twice this last week for the first time I gave Alex formula at night to fill him up and get him to go down to sleep. I feel like he nurses but is just not getting what he needs. He seems to suck a lot at night, when it is dark and quiet. During the day he just gets so distracted by Sophie and the sounds of the house, that the supply just is not there because the demand isn't. It is really that simple. I feel mixed- ideally he would continue just breastmilk, no formula, for a year but it seems that it just won't work out that way. I guess as always I will just take it one day at a time and see what happens. He started solid foods a few days before he turned six months old, and is enjoying pureed pears, applesauce, carrots, peas and sweet potatoes. He tried baby yogurt for the first time today and seemed to enjoy that mixed with his rice cereal.

Party planning sophie's third birthday- we are co-hosting a party here with her little friend Amber- their birthdays are two days apart. It should be fun- we are renting a gymnastics 'bus' and have art projects planned. I hope the weather will be nice- not too hot...

Baby is awake- looking for mama. I am still relishing being a parent- the three words I try to think of every morning are teach, play, laugh. I get caught up just trying to keep the house straightened that I miss the crystal moments by being too worried about getting the counters clear. It is a lot of responsibility- and in the dredges of illness and runny noses, the monotony of diaper changing, meal preparing, teeth brushing, etc. has gotten me a little bummed out. But spring is here and once we are all healty I know we are going to have a lot of fun...

Monday...

Going to pick up Sophie in an hour in Thousand Oaks- she has spent the last couple of days at her grammy's house. Our exchange spot is at a gorgeous and spacious library complete with enormous fish tank. Sophie loves to rip around in there - you would swear she thinks it is a playground. She pulls books from the shelves and flips through them- drops them on the floor and takes off to hug and sit with these giant stuffed animals they have on the floors- a big brown bear, a panda, etc. It is not often I am the picker upper there, it's usually geoff, but when I do I try to impart the library manners- shh, no running, please put the book back- to no avail really. We spend about 5 minutes in there until I feel we have had enough of a presence and bail out - back to the car for a sippy cup and some dry, processed snack food- goldfish, animal crackers, teddy grahams, toddler puffs- maybe some dried fruit...

It was a good weekend. On Saturday I took Sophie to Kindermusik and left Alex here with Geoff- a role reversal. It was fun- I do revel in those moments alone with Sophie- I think they are really good for both of us. She and her peers, Kaity and Amber careen around the foam padded dance studio- running to the beat of their own respective drums. The younger kids tend to toddle and move in smaller circles- while our almost three year olds speed around like moons rotating the planet, the teacher. I was told the teacher imparted that they are ready for the next level- where the parents only come in for the last fifteen minutes. They are really growing up. Afterward a part of the saturday morning ritual sophie shares with her dad is to go to starbucks and get a lightly flavored cold milk. This week she chose peppermint and we sat up at the coffee bar. It was fun- it is good to have the rituals- the regular things for the kids to look forward to.
I am pretty adamant about Sophie having a Saturday morning activity with her dad- special time with him-but it may make sense to take turns- that way Geoff gets some one on one with Alexander. On Sunday we went to a 'mommy and me' friend's son's baptism. The ceremony was really nice- and the reception was relaxing, as Sophie was out in Oxnard for the twins', Megan and Kimberly's, sixty birthday party. We ate and chatted with parent friends. Those opportunities are good and rare- to talk with both moms and dads together.

Alex has a mild case of pink eye- which I am treating with Vigamox- a prescription gotten during Sophie's younger days. It expired several months ago, but I am using it anyway as it was almost $60 when I bought it- and I am sure it is still fine. It seems to be helping. He also has a pretty bad cold and is fairly miserable- smuggy and irritated with life in general. Has not been enjoying the baby cereal- the pureed apples, peas and carrots seem to be okay - but he really does not like the cereal. Trick from a mommy pal- put some cereal to the back of the spoon, and fruit or veg to the front. Sneak it in. It seemed to kind've work today- but I think he just wants to nurse for the most part with feeling sick. He is napping now- I got to get in a bathroom cleaning and kitchen floor mopping- a load of laundry folded and a shower in about 45 minutes. Not bad- gotta act fast when the moment arrives. Something about a super clean kitchen floor just makes me feel so competent. Silly.



I am looking forward to sophie being home and heading back to work tomorrow, the balance I think helps my state of mind- though I do feel fairly scattered when I am working- I am sure that is common with moms of young kids. Geoff started taking an antidepressant yesterday- prozac. God I hope it helps him feel better about his life. Fingers crossed.